In case you weren’t around this morning – 1st, read the little post below this one. That’s right. Deleted. But a miracle occurred – I don’t know how she did it but Shawna, a P.F. reader had found or saved the post and emailed me the text. I still can’t believe it cause no matter where I turned in the history on the internet it said, “the page you are looking for does not exist” – well, it does now Blogger! Na, na, na, na boo, boo – one less thing for me to have a pregnancy melt down over.
Merci Shawna!!!! The comments that I didn’t get to read are gone but … Here it is, once again…
I am just setting aside the decorating, Christmas cheer type post to share something that I’ve been mulling over for a couple weeks-
Well, I am not going to make fans with my Feminist friends with this one. Let’s agree to disagree if we have to but this subject has been weighing on my heart for a long time and it’s not really the vein I was going to start with when I wanted to blog on the subject of the “lost cowboys”…but I have friends who are hurting and, well, this is just the way I see it.
Single motherhood. Now, unless completely chosen…oh boy…I feel the thin ice…unless completely chosen I can not think of many things sadder that could happen to a Mother.
I write this strictly upon observation.
I can think of two friends right now around here who are single Mom’s thru divorce. Their lives have been turned upsides down by abusive, horrible husbands. The kind of “men” who want to emancipate themselves from their own children. Real jerks.
These ladies are struggling to survive. They are often at wits end. Frazzled, running to and fro, handling children who are hurt and angry and dying for male attention. Trying desperately to pay the bills, to keep old cars running, to be all things to all people, especially to their children and here is my question:
Where are their fathers?
No, not the deadbeat looser ex-husbands but the fathers of my friends? See, call me old fashioned, call me insane, but I am the kind of girl that thinks a lady needs some male “protection”. That especially when she is a mother she is not designed to be out there fighting tooth and nail to survive in this world. I can hear the feminist’s screaming now. Sorry, but that’s just the way I see it. Yeah, there are some really strong women out there, hubby walks out and they pick up the slack, perhaps they have a killer job, perhaps they came into the marriage completely independent and capable – but not everyone does.
Some get married young, some get married broke and are looking to team up with a man who can lead financially. I know the argument, the stupid “Oprah” argument – that men are for he most part evil, if they aren’t today, they could be tomorrow, you never know what he is hiding from you, so keep a hidden checking account — that it’s because of dead beat husbands that women should always have a career to fall back on, always have their “own money”, always be ready to take care of themselves.
What can I say, I disagree.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a man to provide while you stay home and take care of the children. My two friends even had profitable part time jobs that contributed to their household’s bottom line – but alone, it’s not enough.
Where are their dads?
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if their Dad’s had protected them from these losers in the first place? (Wouldn’t it be wonderful if upon the first offense Daddy took them “out back” and roughed ’em up a bit???) Perhaps they tried to protect them to begin with but decisions were made independent of Mom and Dad’s blessing or wishes. But wouldn’t this country be radically changed if Dad stepped in when Hubby walked out???
“Sweetie, this is going to be rough but you and the kid’s need to move in for the next few years. The last thing you need is rent or a mortgage. The last thing you need is to have to discipline your angry sons and hurting daughters on your own. The last thing you need is to worry about an unreliable car … Take this time as a gift from your Mom and I, you once were our responsibility, let us have the privilege of having that responsibility back while you get some counseling, go to school and pay off some of that debt that he left you with.
Even if I have to work two jobs, I want you to be taken care of. You’ve been hurt. I want you to get healed. I am your Dad, I am going to protect you, your heart and your children now until you think you can stand on your own two feet or until a Godly man comes along who wants to do the same. Don’t worry about it baby. It will be an honor.”
Can you imagine? Now, I know, not everyone wants to move back in with Mom and Dad but, where HAVE all the cowboys gone? Where is the sense of duty to woman and daughters? And, for the most part, I am talking within the CHURCH as far as this post is concerned. Where is the sense of saving women from the turmoil and frazzled stress that comes with being a single mom?
And, OK, let’s say Dad “can’t” do it. I have a friend who these days, well, her dad would probably qualify for “can’t.” Where is the CHURCH anyways? Where is the serious attention to taking care of the widows and the orphans as Christ instructed? Forget building funds and new sound systems … What sort of a testimony would WE be to the world if our vulnerable woman and children were cared for no matter what. If our single moms flourished instead of floundered? If Godly men would pursue them for marriage instead of treating them like lepers? Consider that Joseph married Mary … a single Mom. He adopted Jesus. If only more men in the church had that sort of heart.
Imagine a church that FULLY embraced single moms. Mortgages and rent covered thru the offerings, car repairs made by mechanics in the congregation. Babysitting supplied by a teen in the church with a willing heart. Groceries provided not just when she is sitting at the pastors wives table crying into her hands but on a weekly basis as a way of simply taking care of her. Male mentor ship provided to the kids by the pastor and elders. Not on a sign up if you need it basis but on a “We are the church and this is our mission” basis.
I have not formulated all my thoughts on this but in these four walls the subject of men manning up and being men (in all areas) has been pretty prominent in the last year. It is an idea that if it took hold and grew like wildfire would be life changing for so many. (This is probably why we like Mark Driscoll’s preaching so much) There are just so many examples in life of lives being ruined because men don’t know how to or refuse to pony up and take on their responsibilities or God forbid, a few extra ones.
And where do we fit in? Hubby and I? We are as guilty I suppose as those I am going off about. What do we do to help my friends? Not much if anything I will confess. This realization has all come out in recent conversation … I guess I just wanted to put it out there. I probably just opened a can of worms and should have my argument covered from all angles but whatever. Hopefully my heart is conveyed properly here and even the most raving feminist can see where I am coming from. I am just sick of seeing these ladies hurt, sick of hearing stories of their families and fathers playing a passive, “We’re here for you if you need us” role in their lives. It’s just one of the area’s in society where one can ask,
“Where HAVE all the cowboys gone?”
More to come.