The War Against Boys – A Momma Lion Rant

Nov 12, 2014 | Full Time Family, On Motherhood | 14 comments

As I went thru my files preparing for my big blog makeover I found this.  I wrote it years ago and never published it.

Here I go again.
Sorry, I can’t help myself.
I look at my son and I want to pull out my sword and start waving it with heavenly strength at any harm that would come his way.
 
The problem is ladies, some of that harm comes in quietly and seemingly innocently while naive, “good” mothers stand by.

  Raising Boys 
I am talking about PORN.
 
If you need one, here is it – my two by four across the face…
Porn is not a normal part of a boys/mans life.  
On the contrary it is the complete opposite of the wonderful, normal, sex that God created.
It is not normal for a teen to be introduced to it.
It is NOT a right of passage.
However, in this culture we welcome our teen boys into adulthood with a six-pack and a sleazy DVD and say, “Hey Buddy, now you’re a man!”
 
I for one will be and am on the front lines of this issue in our home and thankfully, my husband is standing next to me, just as passionate that our boy’s eyes and heart are protected.
What does it mean to be on the front lines?
It means you are hawklike, suspicious and always on your game.
It means, that in this area, you think that the worst could happen with his friends, his friend’s fathers, etc.
Sorry, call me jaded.  I don’t care.  
My allegiance is not to them.
 
Better jaded than naive and destroyed when I find out my son is addicted to filth.
 
I am not talking about being one of those women that walks around hating men, thinking they are all scum  I am just talking about not being a fool.  
Hawklike, suspicious and always on your game.
 
Children don’t have to be exposed to pop culture.
It’s not their right!
In fact, I believe they have a right NOT to be.
They don’t need to know about the latest video game.
They don’t need every electronic device as if that is some sort of normal part of childhood.
They don’t need a computer in their room.
They don’t need a T.V. in their room.
They don’t need to know what the latest movies are.
They don’t need to spend the night at their friends house!
 
I start with pop culture and connect it all the way to porn because it’s the first step in desensitizing.  One afternoon watching M.T.V. or playing some video game where the women are dressed like skanks… even seemingly innocent “children’s” movies where the parents are made out to be doting dorks and the “kids know best” can cause the foundation of you as a parent being trusted by the child to crumble.
People have said to me, “You can not shelter them forever”.  Fair enough.  But TOO MANY parents use that as a copout at the very beginning as an excuse to be lazy about what they let into their home, when friends they let their kids play with, what school they let them attend… and on and on.
 
I am not stupid.  I know I can’t shelter forever but I will while I can and during that time he will learn about sex from his father and I, he will be warned of what this world has turned it into as opposed to the fantastic experience that God intended. 
 
Will Aidan spend the night at friends houses?
Ha, ha, ha.  Are you kidding?  One wrong move, one wrong click of a mouse on some Dad’s computer, one wrong movie rented and it’s over – Pandora’s box has been opened and in too many cases Mom’s don’t find out ’til a full blown addicted has occurred.
 
If your son is watching television after school, in the evenings, than dare I say, the box has been cracked.  The commercials and advertisements for other shows are shocking and if we don’t think so than it’s our own fault for being desensitized by a culture that worships sex.  
 
As a family we watch the NASCAR races on Sundays and the junk they show is AWFUL!  Our kids know to look away and close their eyes as Joel or I swing the cabinet door closed – I mean, have you seen those Go Daddy commercials?  If I am going to pay to watch a rated R movie than I can assume what’s coming up, but I swear these ads blow my mind every time!  It makes me feel like such an old lady but I just can’t believe them.  Aidan looks away without the slightest curiosity.  His trust in our judgement is so deep, it’s as though he would be horrified to look at something we have told him is garbage.  
When I think of the T.V. on all the time, all over the country in the homes of sweet little boys who deserve to be protected it grieves me.  And challenges me to keep praying for the boys and the parents of the boys who will one day marry my daughters!

14 Comments

  1. Carol B.

    Agreed! We got so sick of telling our kids to look away from commercials that we just quit TV and do Netflix only. (1 movie/week of our choice at our discretion.)
    Don’t miss TV a bit.
    Being vigilant on their behalf is so important, but so is teaching our kids with scripture to guard their own hearts – equipping them for the future. 🙂 Motherhood is a tough job. We moms should pray for each other.

    Reply
  2. DREAMS ON 34th STREET ~ French Bread & Family

    You are “right on” Mama!

    Teaching your children to interpret inappropriate content and behavior is so important. We can’t hide everything.

    We love to watch our favorite college play football and our world champ Seahawks. We mute the constant relay of “erectile dystfunction” commercials…they offend ME! Do I want my toddler grandchildren saying “Go COUGS”…and…”Grans, what is E.D.?” Seriously?

    We raised the most amazing son. When he was a sophomore in high school, he rescued a girl from his class who was about to be taken to a hotel by senior after Winter formal. She was impaired by alcohol that she somehow consumed at the dance. He just scooped her up and told her. “It’s time to go home!”, leaving the senior standing speechless.

    He must have carried his chivalry into his college years. When he left our nest to pursue his first post college job, I found two notes from girls who thanked him for his help in similar matters. One possibly life saving involving alcohol consumption.

    The cavalier attitude towards sex in our society is sickening.

    We just had a murder suicide at a High School in Marysville. (4 teens dead) All of the kids involved were sexually active at 13 and 14.

    I was appalled to hear that women I know took their 7 and 8 year old daughters to see Katy Perry.

    They should be watching “Frozen”, playing with dollies, board games, crafting, riding bikes…

    Hugs to you, dearest Angela!
    ~Lynne
    w/L.

    Reply
  3. Mary Beth

    Amen, amen and amen again!! We cannot be “too” protective when it comes to filth. You wouldn’t invite satan in to your living room to entertain your children…it’s the same thing. Keep to your convictions!

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  4. à la parisienne

    AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!
    It’s been about 8 years since we quit paying for satellite T.V. and literally turned off our T.V. I must say that I am SHOCKED every time I’m at someone else’s house and see what commercials are being shown at even 2:00 in the afternoon! I guess now I am even sheltered. It’s surprising how many Christians just say yes, those commercials are pretty bad, the T.V. shows have become shamlessly sleezy, but they keep PAYING to watch it! I totally agree with your statement of not letting your kids stay the night at other peoples’ houses. There’s way too much risk in that. Unfortunately, we live in a world where evil things are way too accessible. I will shelter and protect my children as long as I can. And I pray fiercely for the protection of their hearts and minds.

    Reply
  5. Katzcradul

    I understand your concern and appreciate you level commitment to you child(ren). If only all parents cared as much. Our daughter has never been allowed to sleep over at a friends house either. We simply can’t risk it. A word of caution from someone who has raised a boy to adulthood and to being a parent himself… to say of a child that he, “looks away without the slightest curiosity”, is an incredibly naïve thing to assume.

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  6. Katzcradul

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    Reply
  7. Mac n' Janet

    I so agree! I frequently say I’m glad our daughter is grown. She grew up mainly in small Army towns and we sheltered her and I’m not sorry we did.

    Reply
  8. Andrea

    Amen. Our little boy is only 7 months, but we have a plan in action to protect his purity and innocence: no TV, no public school, very limited and very supervised internet usage once he is older, and giving him the talk about puberty and custody of the eyes before it hits and then a refresher once it does.

    I fear where our culture is going. Porn has such a strong effect on men that even begins affecting them physically (the rise in ED commercials is connected to this). Often the type of porn the modern man gets into gets more and more perverse and leads to issues of homosexuality, adultery, pedophilia, violence and rape. Even now, college campuses are seeing rises in the number of rapes occurring.

    God help us raise noble and good men of integrity!

    Reply
  9. Kristi

    I can so relate to this post. I consider myself a vigilant mama who is very much in her kids’ lives. I have 13 (soon to be 14) yr old twin boys. I am shocked and appalled at what I see on tv, enough to cancel cable. We have Netflix and Amazon prime but only we have the password.
    I learned the hard way that there is even FILTH on Pinterest 🙁 I’m glad my son showed me. I was so disappointed and upset by it. But glad we are close enough that he didn’t hide it. We talk about everything, I want them to know anything is up for conversation. So far, so good. Not to say their isn’t bumps in the road, but for the most part it’s good.
    I’m with you on sleepovers too. We stick to sleepovers with cousins and mema and papa. And even then it’s maybe once a year. We live in a scary world and the internet makes it that much more easy to access this filth.
    Thank you for posting about this. It’s good to talk about it with other mama’s and grandma’s who feel the same. I recently read a news article about a mom who caught her son looking at porn online and I was in disbelief reading the comments! How she was a prude and it was normal for every man……. sad world we live in 🙁
    Kristi

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  10. Mandy

    PREACH!!!! As a mom of 3 boys{and a girl], one of whom is 13, I can not agree enough. And my hubby agrees 100%. We don’t allow sleep overs {every.single. one of my friends was molested growing up. Almost always staying overnight somewhere, or by a babysitter.} And one of the the first things we do when a kid {generally cousin} enters our home is to take away the ipod/ipad/kindle, etc. They won’t be exposing my kid to garbage if I can help it- purposefully or accidentally. We ripped out the TV years ago when the station went straight from airing the Charlie Brown Christmas special into a CSI all the strippers dead on the floor shot. AND it’s OUR FRICKEN JOB to protect them. I’m so sick of friends/family telling me I’m over protective. Excuse me, your kid is not allowed to climb a tree because he will get hurt- but you let him have cable in his room. MY kid is 20 feet up the tree, but will watch only what I approve of. I laughingly tell my kids I care more about their souls and hearts than their bodies. A broken bone will heal, a broken spirit will take a lot more then a trip to an ER. I hope this doesn’t sound weird- but I love you girl! You say what I’m thinking a good amount of the time 😉

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  11. Annie Meyers

    I TOTALLY agree and at the same time wonder if you have your guard ALL the way up … Your pinterest page features nude photos of Carla Bruni, provocative images of Gwen Stefani and then.. there is Don Draper. Pretty much MadMen would have the tv doors slammed shut the whole show…

    Deb Meyers

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  12. Kristi

    One more thing that I forgot to mention earlier. The ipad has great parental controls compared to the kindle and other tablets. It gives you your own place to put in your password (of your choice) under restrictions and you can set it as you see fit! This has been VERY useful for us!! And it’s nice because they have an Ipad without all of the dangers I’ve worried about. This is the first year they really needed laptops of their own for school work, for things that they couldn’t do with the Ipad. The deal is, the laptops get used in family room or kitchen and NO other time. Sounds extreme but too bad. 🙂

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  13. anncal2

    High-five, fellow Mama! I am not raising boys, but sweet girls, and I’m praying for these future husbands to have Mamas who are protecting their sons with such fierceness. I know it’s not a guarantee, but it’s certainly doing the best you can with what you have. There’s no room to say “I didn’t try hard enough”.

    Reply
  14. Joy

    Angela, you are totally spot on. Amen to all you have written here. I am appalled at what is shown on TV, noticed last night at the beginning of a football game featuring ‘Pit Bull’ (whaa?) a so-called ‘singer’, the cheerleaders dancing and then turning around and shaking their booty at the camera–shorts showing butt cleavage… how stupid. There is no end. Wish I could cancel the cable, but husband won’t hear of it. All I can say is that at least we don’t have children here. As a young mom, before I was a Christian, my (ex) husband and I thought nothing of letting our young son and daughter watch the movie ‘Pretty Woman’. I wasn’t thinking then… now I can’t believe I exposed them to that inappropriate content. You go girl, at least you have some sense. Good for your husband to stand with you on this. The World doesn’t want to hear God’s definition of what is sexually appropriate, they like to embrace their definition of ‘openness’.

    Reply

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