Speaking of a Swift Spanking…

Jul 19, 2007 | On Motherhood | 4 comments

Babes has been waking up WAY to early that last 7 days. We’re talking like 5:30 and then we lay him back down only to have him up again by 6:30/45. This morning was terrible. My normal angel was a total crankTOTAL – and it was our big morning of the chiropractor and Trader Joe’s for grocery. A 2-3 hour errand no matter how you slice it.
Babes is now 2 and everyone jokes with me that the terrible two’s are normal…

Bite me.

There is no way I am signing on, no way I am going to assume that my darling is going to be a monster for the next year or two (just like I am not going to assume he is going to rebel as a teenager!) In my mind there has got to be some connection between mothers who assume their children are going to be little no-necked monsters and the children turning into little no neck monsters. It’s along the same lines as people with brat children saying, “Look what you are in for.” when you’re pregnant…lovely.

Anyways, he was fussy and struggling with his latest “quirk” – NOT wanting to hold my hand in the parking lot. The kid is so dang independent, he does not want to be caught when jumping into water, he does NOT want you to hold his glass while he takes a sip, and holding my hand in the parking lot when he just wants to run is sheer torture for him.
We only parked about 6 cars out but it was a struggle the entire way, finally before crossing into the store I bent down and told him what was coming if he did not obey – then I realized I had bent down and said something similar probably 3 times already – my skirt wedging itself in my
buttcrack every time, me hurriedly picking it out hoping no one was seeing this display of two-year-old-“dumb” and my big pregnant butt accented by off white linen!

Upon crossing the road it was clear there was no way I was going in Trader Joe’s only to be embarrassed further so I gave him one clean swat, thru Janie and Jack shorts and knock off Costco diaper. I was not mad, he didn’t even cry but he caught on quick that I was D-O-N-E. I then cheerfully explained that we were gonna have samples and get a balloon and have a great time. During my explaining however an employee came running out and awkwardly tried to interrupt by intensely inquiring, “How are we doing today?” She fumbled with a shopping cart to appear as though she was doing anything other than making sure I was not beating the tar out of my kid.
I said we were great but someone was way overtired. To which she felt the need to reassure me that they get tired and have rough mornings sometimes –
thanks, because I haven’t been at this for seven hundred some odd days. Then she said her little girl was up late too (she has a two year old) and had to get up a 6am to go to school. And that summed it up for me.
A mom who doesn’t spank, lives with her boyfriend (I know this from past conversations) and sends her beloved two year old off to school in July. I’m getting a very clear picture.

Thanks, but no thanks for your advice, I’ll stick to my Gramma thank you very much.

P.R. was a dream the rest of the trip and by the time we got home he was asking to go to bed for his nap. We talked all day about sleeping in in the morning, I fed him dinner late and am hoping he goes back to his more recent morning habits or at least adjusts his little attitude if this is how it’s going to be from now on.

In the meantime I will swat my kids butt when needed. I try will all my might to nix it on the first offense and only if he knows that a spank is the consequence for his defiance (defiance is the only terms under which we spank at this point). I don’t get mad and funny, the little bugger is always happier 3 minutes later.

Terrible two’s my a$$.


  1. Faith

    If there is such a thing as terrible two’s, my little darling is having a major flare up at four. Lord help me.

  2. Parisienne Farmgirl

    Yours is an extraordinary situation. So much for one parent to do alone. I would reach out to some women that you respect and see what they think. Lord help you – thankfully, He will.

  3. HomemakerAng

    you go momma! I am on the band wagon… just like the saying lots of people use, “boys will be boys” NOT!

    I am so with you with the preg. butt… got you beat I am WAY sure! Baby’s got back!

  4. Becky C.

    It is refreshing to see another Mom who is not ashamed to admit she spanks. Though I actually think we are a growing bunch–younger parents are just fed up with all the spoiled brats and the Supernanny stuff.

    Although I am a convert from being anti-spanking, I have never looked back.

    It is interesting to actually study the literature and research on this–the anti-spanking stuff is at best inconclusive, and there are actually studies showing that spanking is the best way to get kids to comply with their parent(s)’ wishes–and two of these are better methodologically then any of the ones which find that spanking will not only destroy your child’s life but is responsible for much of the world’s woes.

    Never hear about this in themainstream media–and some of the crazy “Christian” child and wife beaters (who give spanking a bad name) are not smart enough to pick up on it.

    One of these days I will do a series of blog posts on the subject. I have been reluctant to because people get so hysterical about it.



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