Yes, I’ve got it.

When I was 16 we moved from Michigan to Chicagoland.  Though I had known “how” to drive since I was 12 years old my dad would not let me take “Driver’s Ed” in Michigan… in his wisdom he thought I had better learn to drive with all the other maniacs.
Thank you Dad!
And though he could be quite the jerk in the passenger seat I learned from him basic curtsies and rules of the road, things that is seems, most people ignore… things like don’t slow down before you move into the turn lane, slow down after you move over.  Today it drives me NUTS when people practically come to a stop just to move over a lane!!!
Here’s a few more…
Don’t brake just cause you’re going down a hill, just take your foot off the gas!
Get off my butt!  Or I will completely take my foot off the gas and coast ’til you get the picture!
Pay attention – if there is open road ahead of you, and a string of cars in your rear view then STEP ON IT!  At LEAST go the speed limit!

I am sorry – my tolerance is very low and when did we forget that this is a deadly, giant piece of machinery that we are toolin’ around in?  It’s not just a place to drink your latté and catch up on missed voicemails.  It’s a one ton tank that could kill you, someone else or someone you love!!!

Well, I finally did it.  
I rolled down my window the other day and yelled at someone.
Yes, I did and I would do it again.
The kids and I were out, about 30 minutes from home and our suburb is positioned in a way that it is surrounded by long country “routes”… they attach suburb to suburb.  We had gone out to get our gift for the upcoming baby shower (can’t WAIT to share that with you next week!  Making macarons as I type!)  and we were turning right onto one of those country routes, leaving a more populated area.  A car to my upper left COMPLETELY cut off the car in front of me as she moved into the right lane to make her turn, lots of honking ensued and the offender seemed completely oblivious and didn’t give the
“I’m sorry!” wave or anything.  YOU HAVE TO GIVE THE “I’M SORRY” WAVE!  Lest we think you are completely clueless as to your surroundings!
Well, she didn’t.  And I got stuck behind her for mile – after – mile.  Stoplight after stoplight.  Speeding up, slowing down, down, down….  sitting at a green stoplight for an amount of time that seemed like FOR-EV-ER (pronouced á la “The Sandlot”).
 My blood was beginning to boil.

 I had a fussy baby and I hate errands and everytime I looked at this lady her head was DOWN.  You can tell when someone is driving cause their head is UPRIGHT!!!!  If it’s cocked to the side you can bet they are on the phone or facing down you can bet they are texting.

Mile

after


mile.

FINALLY we came to a stoplight and my left turn and I had decided this was the day, this was the day.  But she jumped over to the right hand lane and sat there, way back behind, all alone without pulling up to the light.  Either she could feel my irritation or she was just plane weird.  Lucky for her no one else was turning right.
I actually prayed that the light would stay red long enough for her to figure it out and pull up next to me.  I know that is not right – but I did.  And she did.

I rolled down my window.
Firmly, no swearing but loud enough to really get her attention,

“LADY!  YOU NEED TO PUT 
THAT PHONE DOWN AND DRIVE!”

She said, “It’s my GPS, I’m lost.”

“SO PULL OVER AND FIGURE IT OUT!”

I rolled my window back up, she ended up making the same left I was and followed me, at a healthy distance, without looking down for the next five miles.  I felt sorry for her that she was lost… for a moment at least.  I mean come on, it’s VERY simple around here.  Head North, you’re gonna hit Wisconsin, head East, you will fink yourself sinking into the Lake, head south you’re on your way to Indiana or West?  Iowa.  And if you don’t know your directions, perhaps you shouldn’t be operating a CAR!
But maybe for some of my directionally challenged sista’s that’s a little harsh so here is a big fat clue…
LOOK AT THE SUN!
It rises in the EAST and sets in the WEST!!!

Remember the old days when no one got killed cause we pulled over, got out of our cars and asked for directions!  OH MY GOSH!  THE INCONVENIENCE OF IT ALL!  Those antiquated days when we had to tack three minutes onto our trip…

Look, I am not trying to pull a Harpo here.  And I am not trying to be a B-
But I think we all need a reminder, and I am talking to MYSELF too, of why we are on the road!

Don’t rummage in your purse,
Don’t glance over to reach your coffee,
Don’t paint your nails (last year I saw a man die on the road cause a girl hit him while painting her nails.  No lie.)
Don’t reach back to swat at your kids,
Don’t talk on the phone,
Don’t text,
Don’t look at your GPS,

JUST KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD AND DRIVE.

“Stay alive and just drive.”

Hey, that’s kind of catchy, you read it here first.

Stay alive and just drive.
Lest I pull up next to YOU next time!

hahahahahahahaaaa!