“Restore to me the joy of my Salvation.”
One of my favourite verses in the Bible.
And should it be any surprise that God’s Word can be applied to every area of our lives?
(Please know, I in no way mean to equate SALVATION with the things mentioned in this post).
But have you ever gotten away from your ideals?
Have you ever gained back the weight? Stopped that daily reading time? Put the workouts on the back burner? Lost your motivation in your job?
We all have.
When I became a parent I had all sorts of ideals. And you know what? I stand by each one of them even today. Ten years later I do not look back and think, “Oh, you were so naive.”
I hate brats.
“Give me two weeks with that kid!” I would say. Cause yes, I was… a ball buster.
But fast forward ten years and some of the bust in my… errrr… well… it’s gone.
I’m tired. The decibel level is loud. Homemade play-do is no longer a joy. It’s a colossal pain in the butt. The laundry is constant and you know what? I just want to friggin go for a run and put on my mascara without interruption.
Naptimes are fragmented. Baseball (our first year with a sport) is incredible and I totally love it (forget the boy… MOMMA loves going to the games) but it’s wreaking havoc on an already stressful evening situation.
My sweet little number five… well… she is a pistol.
I mean like Annie Get Your Gun. Pis-tol. I mean like watch out world. She’s been able to eat with a fork since ten months, crawl out of her bed since seventeen months and she can arch her back and give me “what for” in public in such a way where I want to crawl under my truck and never come out. No matter how firm I am with her people glare and me like, “LOSER”. It’s so not fair.
If I was reading me writing these words ten years ago I would have never believed it.
“Not on my watch!” I would have bellowed.
Well… it DID happen on my watch. Five years of P.M. shifts of hubbies job… gardens… homeschooling… thyroid problems… exhaustion… and poof. I gave in.
Over, and over, and over.
And you know what? In many ways, I lost the joy of my motherhood. Now don’t get me wrong – you KNOW how crazy I am for these kids but my fuse became a bit shorter. The end of the day a bit more longed for. The time with the other children spent less and less as I baby wrangled this strong-willed beauty.
Well. I allowed some people to speak into my life. Ever so briefly. (‘Cause I really am not too keen on other people’s opinions.) But they said their peace.
And guess what?
I AM MOMMA. HEAR ME ROAR.
I’m back. I’ve got my big girl panties on and ain’t no in-public tantrum and launch out of a crib is going to scare me.
See, in an effort to keep the peace I only created more chaos and this is me… owning it.
Did I say OUCH?
Cause I meant OUCH.
So Lord. Restore to me the joy of my Motherhood. All aspects of it. Even the hard parts. Help me remember that I AM MOMMA and help me only roar… when needed. 🙂
Yes. My plate is very, very full. (If you haven’t noticed… that’s the way I like it). And yes, when you ring me up it can be rather loud in the background. It’s a VERY small house for 5 children ten and under. Lot’s of noise people. Lot’s of noise. And I AM raising little sinners here. And sinners are loud.
But we’re going back to hardcore “please” and “thank you” – hardcore, “Mom dinner was delicious.” hardcore, “Yes Momma I’d be happy to.” and “What can I do for you, Momma?” and “Put your head DOWN and stay in your bed.”
I am resuming my right to the throne. I am Momma and it’s for their own good.
VIVE la REINE.
Where have you lost your joy? If you had to fill in this line from King David:
“Restore to me the joy of my _______________________” What would you say?
Are you ready, willing and able to own it? Whatever “it” may be?
Are you ready, willing and able to fight for it? No matter the embarrassment or cost?
I know we can do it.
And next time you see a child throw a tantrum in public judge softy… maybe it’s a tired Momma like me who lost her way for a few months.