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A vulnerable moment.

Everyday life has been incredibly thick as of late. The cow and calf are not doing as well as we would have liked and we’ve been battling mastitis on and off for over six weeks. The calf isn’t nearly as aggressive with milking as she should be. Little brat. I’m quite resentful of her. A home dairy cow is the cream of the crop, the queen, the priority. You HATE to see her uncomfortable and you’re committed to keeping her as healthy and content as she can be. A full-time job in this case. Ok, maybe part-time. But nonetheless VERY consuming.

The kids have been struggling with impetigo. Something I wouldn’t wish on my worse enemy. Daily, my heart has been pulled out and stomped on seeing them suffer and temporarily disfigured, if I’m allowed to use so strong a word. I’ve had moments where I’ve though, “Is your face going to FALL OFF????”

It’s like that with life. No matter what you’re going through or the circumstances around you, it just keeps barreling forward. The irony is, that I fancy myself to live a more quiet life. It may be quiet, but its demands are many.

Enter YouTube.

I love making videos, but lately, something is off. And I’d be so sad if my audience felt that, but I’m sure they do. I’m grateful for them for sticking with me (and if you think this is your chance to leave a comment letting me know how off I’ve been, for the love of God, restrain yourself. I have feelings.). I don’t know if it’s the ads and all the hassle that goes with them as a creator (but you can’t work for free), or the lack of time to create the art I want to create via videos. But I’m working things out. Ruminating if you will if we wanted to stay with a bovine theme. I’m not content to keep things as they are. I’m an action-oriented kind of gal. And I refuse to stay miserable for too long.

The creative, entrepreneur, mother, and farmer is a unique beast. I know there are a few of you out there. Your energy knows no bounds and yet sometimes you hit a wall and are forced to reaccess the situation. That’s me right now. Who am I talking to? I’m not sure. Maybe the true friends that have been with me for over a decade, who back in my blogging heyday used to just let me vent and didn’t feel the need to offer a solution.

“Just work it out, girl.”

So. In that spirit. With that back story. Here’s my latest video. I wanted to just sit and chat about the garden with you. If I look tired. I was. And yet, with formulating these thoughts, chewing my cud as it were, I am energized and feel committed to taking a step back, doing a touch less so that what I do can be my very best.