Oh Crap.

Jun 23, 2011 | Spiritual | 15 comments

Well it happened again.
I was tinkering around on Mars Hill (Seattle) and The Resergence… clicking here… clicking there… when…

A heavenly two-by-four… written just for me.
Frighteningly so.
Cut and pasted here for you in case you needed a figurative “b —- slap” too.

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. — Proverbs 31:10
I often believe my husband has not found an excellent wife. When he tells me I have been short with him lately, overreacting and snapping unneccesarily, I am discouraged at my lack of excellence. Impatience and disrespect have brought embarrassment to him on several occasions.
My task-oriented, performance-driven heart attempts to fix itself by making a list: An excellent wife cooks with organic food (not Velveeta), sews her own clothing (or at least irons her husbands shirts!), speaks only words dripping with grace (and not sarcasm) and reads her Bible for hours on end (okay, minutes?!)).
The list brings more condemnation; concrete evidence that I cannot be an excellent wife on my own.
 Forged not Found
While all of these things can be signs of excellence, they are definitely not requirements. Turning to Scripture for comfort and conviction, I am reminded: An excellent wife is not found but forged. No man goes out and finds a woman that is pure wife perfection and marries her. Neither of them truly know what that even looks like yet!  

It is the character of God, and not our husbands, that can be fully and firmly trusted. Our core identity must be anchored in Christ alone.

A godly woman becomes an excellent wife as she understands she is made in the image of God, re-made in the image of Christ and formed over a lifetime of repentance and redemption. Excellence is not measured by a to-do list; it is manifested in the life of a wife who knows Jesus intimately.
Bringing Shame
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones. —Proverbs 12:4
When I humbly and honestly assess the times I bring my husband shame, I am sobered by its destruction. To bring rottenness to his bones means mine are already disintegrating with unbelief and bitterness. We bring shame as wives when we:
  1. Focus on our husband’s sin
  2. Think our way is better, prioritizing ourselves over him
  3. Speak harshly to him or derogatively about him to anyone 
  4. Withhold blessing, prayer, sex, or encouragement of any sort in an effort to punish, manipulate, or “get the message across”
The wife who brings shame to her husband is the daughter who does not truly know and trust her heavenly Father.
If the wife’s identity is centered around her man, she will certainly deliver shame when he disappoints – as he will inevitably do. It is the character of God, and not our husbands, that can be fully and firmly trusted. Our core identity must be anchored in Christ alone.
 Made Precious by Jesus
We are made precious by Jesus. This heart transformation is the basis for any preciousness that our husbands experience in us. It is not about what we do but what our precious Savior has done for us that graces us with the power to be excellent wives. We are helpless on own own.

Excellence is not measured by a to-do list; it is manifested in the life of a wife who knows Jesus intimately.

A godly wife understands that she is nothing outside of the saving grace of Jesus Christ and has no excellence apart from Him. Christ’s grace and love are precious to her. Fueled by his riches, she will become a glorious crown to her husband as she helps, nurtures and loves him from the depths of Christ’s righteousness in her.
It takes a 10 minute ceremony to become a wife.  It takes a lifetime to become an excellent wife – one who understands that Christ’s shed blood on the cross is needed to offer excellence to our husbands.


  1. STORIES Photography


    If we could only remember this each and every minute of the day, our hearts would know true peace, happiness, and contentment.

    Thanks for the 2 x 4, so relevant amongst the happy occasion and beautiful festivities.

  2. Becky C

    Thanks for this sweet reminder. 2×4 is good sometimes for me 🙂
    Love every single wedding photo, too! Precious! Great job!
    Becky C

  3. melissa

    I’m new to your blog (discovered you in the magazine spread about you in Where Women Cook), and so identify with this post.

    Thanks. 🙂

  4. cathy

    amen sister!

  5. Kelley

    I got on this morning excited to see more wedding pictures!!~~ and ya know I did~~ I have been married 30 this July and it has taken 30 and I expect even more to become an excellent wife~~ It is daily that I seek my Lord on behalf of my relationship with my houseband~ the one who keeps us together!
    Thank you

  6. à la parisienne

    This week we had our 8th wedding anniversary, official celebration to come, and that last statement in this article speaks volumes-it has taken me 8 years to see myself for who I am at times- selfish, hard-headed. It takes determination and the help of the Lord to overcome my personal weaknesses, and I must re-check myself quite often to ensure that my weaknesses don’t become a hindrence to his live or the destruction of our home…A woman does have the power to destroy AND to bond. I choose the power of family, of bringing together.

    Thank you for this reminder,

  7. Nannette

    Thanks for sharing, real truth spoken in today’s English.

  8. Victoria

    Exactly what I needed to read. Thanks.

  9. Greta

    Really needed this reminder!!!! Thanks so much!

  10. Joy

    Hmmm… just this afternoon my husband made it clear that I am not being an excellent wife… guess I have some things to work on.

  11. Cribbs

    Thanks for posting this. The Ideal Wife was read at my Nana’s funeral several years ago and it was truly her intimate relationship with Christ that fueled her soul to care for her family so well.
    This really spoke directly to my heart today…and I’m not even married. 🙂 Merci!

  12. à la parisienne

    A little hommage to you in return!
    See today’s post.


  13. Molly @ Star Cottage

    I love it when you speak of Godliness 😉 So refreshing to my soul. Thankyou for sharing and encouraging 😉


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