Allow me to prattle.

I keep saying how much I miss my blog and yet I can’t seem to find this time to get my fingers on these keys.  It’s been a long couple months.  Baby girl is putting me through the ringer.  Sleep?  What’s sleep?  It seems to only occur if I am laying next to her.  Alas, by the time I FINALLY get her calmed down it’s anywhere between 9 and 11pm.   By then I’ve lost my mojo or any blogs I had written in my head while rocking her.

I’m trying to hard to be what the kids need me to be.  I vacillate between doing fine and freaking out – like any Mom I am sure.  During the freak out moments the self doubt kicks in.  What am I doing wrong?  Are my kids getting a proper education with all the time I spend with the baby?  How long should I let her SCREAM?  Even now, after a 45 minute soothing, nursing, calming down session I’ve been at the computer (IE: away from her) for ten minutes and she is screaming.

Be right back:)

The days dishes are half done and the sink is still full.
I’m tired of being on my feet.

Champagne please.

It’s easy to wonder if you are having an effect isn’t it?
All your hard work and nothing is ever perfect?  

Confessions of a type-A who doesn’t have the time or luxury anymore of being a type-A.

Sheer mental torture.

Fear not.
This too shall pass.
And yes, you are having an effect.

It’s awkward for me to share this cause no matter what I say, some will fine me boastful but that is not my heart – my heart is for encouraging you.

It’s come to my attention recently from a good handful of different people that our little family does in fact impact lives (by God’s grace and for His glory).  See, I get to believing the lie that those that come into our home can’t really be ministered to if my floors are dirty, if Joel’s forgotten to take the garbage bag I put on the porch out to the dumpster?  How could anyone feel God’s love if I didn’t get to wash my hair after my workout? 

Little lies.

I’ve had the privilege and encouragement of being told lately: how comfortable people feel visiting in our living room, how I’ve encouraged them in their motherhood, how the kids are enjoyable because they can interact with adults, how the food I offer my guests makes them feel loved…

These gracious words at times were too much and I’m afraid I didn’t know how to receive them but the allowed me to see that it’s not all in vain.  That the ministry that I hope comes from our family, from this farm is actually happening.  

And I would wager it’s happening on your end too.  Perhaps you just haven’t been told.   So I am telling you.  You Mom’s who are on your knees for your kids, who Mom’s who are trying to change the world one patient moment at a time – it’s working.  I have to believe that.  You have to believe that.  

What you do does matter.

When you take that extra moment to discipline in the middle of chaos – it matters.
When you come to your babies and apologize for being a witch (as I had to do today) – it matters.
When you make someone a hot meal or send someone out the door with a special treat from your kitchen – in this fast food, microwave world – it matters.
When you crack open the Bible and just go over ONE verse with a child – it matters.  
When you stop nagging and sincerely love on and praise hubby IN FRONT of the children – it matters.

I come from a family where perfection, or the appearance of it matters.  I’m not disparaging them/that but coming to terms that perfection is not something I can hold myself to in this chapter of my life is important for me – I have to do that at least a couple times a week.  Now I could do it, that’s just the energy and drive that I have but it would be at my families expense.   Instead I have to take a deep breath and pray for patience and grace constantly and see that perfection is not a ministry.  It might keep ME sane but it’s not a real ministry – unless I am worshiping at the alter of myself.  Which alas, is where I often find myself.

Be encouraged.  Thanks for listening reading.
Parisienne Farmgirl