Missing my Ladies. And Farm Dreams.

Mar 28, 2012 | From France to the Farm, Homesteading | 35 comments

This spring I am really missing my chickens.
I am so mad I let them go.
Honestly, If I think about it too much I get that heaviness of depression. You know the one, where you sigh and think, “Come on! This is ridiculous.”
At the time I really felt is was the right thing to do – since we are selling the home and it was such an emotional decision to do so… to put that For Sale by Owner sign in the front yard. (We all cried.) That decision coincided with when I would have had to really duke it out with the City to be able to keep them.
I felt that to be a good Momma, emotionally I couldn’t do both.
I couldn’t begin to detach from the house and try to explain to our Mayor why she is WRONG!
Now the for sale sign is there… for real now, with a realtor… in the MLS and everything…
 and it feels like it’s never going to happen.
There’s a lot of talk around here from all of us about wanting to be on a farm. Probably not enough talk about trusting God and His timing for us.
 I’ve got to tell you… it’s very hard when it’s something we all want so bad.
Very hard.
Everytime I open my back door or run out to the garage for something I swear I can hear their cooing and cackling. A couple of weeks ago Aidan ran something out to the compost bin for me and went out the door calling “Ladies!” in his sweet, sing-song voice.
He stopped dead in his tracks and turned with tears in his eyes to look at me.
He too had forgot they were gone.
I hate things that are out of my control.
I want our home to sell.
We love it, our babies have been born here but we long to go for walks on our property and not around the block. We long for more privacy.
And we can’t wait to have as many chickens as we want.

In the meantime I am struggling with desperation.
Aidan will be seven in two months.
We don’t want to raise him in town.
He is growing so fast.
Is this ever going to happen?
Just sharing my heart.

35 Comments

  1. Chris

    May you be blessed with what suits your souls…
    Chris

    Reply
  2. Elizabeth

    Hello,

    I am sorry that you are feeling down!

    I was also sorry to read the saga about your chickens and even more sad when you let them go. Life is definately a challenge, and my dear you are so right, perhaps you should focus on all of the good things and just know that someday you will be able to have some chickens?

    Your house is beautiful and you created so many beautiful children and happy memories there that you will carry in your heart and mind, know that when it sells all of the beautiful work you put into it will brighten someone elses life! What a treat, a house on the market that is beautiful.

    Not to mention your hot of the presses magazine! As I longtime reader I always hoped it would turn into something more for you!

    You are raising a beautiful family, have a wonderful mother, father, sisters, etc and a new magazine. Sister your are blessed!

    I am sure that your place is going to sell sooner than you know! I will be praying for you.

    In the meantime think of your wonderful life, and all of the bloggie friends that are cheering for you and your success.

    Have a great night, Elizabeth

    Reply
  3. Chris

    May your family be blessed!

    Reply
  4. Kathy

    Hi,
    I’ve been lurking for a bit, but I had to comment on this one! It totally captures how I feel… except that my house isn’t on the market, nor is it likely to be anytime soon, although we thought it would be.

    *sigh* Yep, that whole “God’s timing” thing is always the tough part. Looking back, we have had some truly amazing coincidences on timing (mostly relating to major adoption hurdles and the associated child’s saint’s feast day), that have left us smiling and saying, “Yes, You are in control, and I will sit down, quit worrying, and shut up now.” …but it’s always murkier and harder when you’re on the waiting side.

    Praying for you and your family.

    Reply
  5. Brynwood Needleworks

    Nearly eleven years ago, we left the snow and high taxes…and 90 acres…in Wisconsin to move to a warmer climate (and 3 paltry acres) in Florida. It was quite the change after a lifetime in Wisconsin. I miss the wide open and private space we used to have, so I know how a heart can yearn for that life.

    I will pray that God grant you all your heart’s desires. There’s nothing like raising kidlets in the country.

    xoxo

    Reply
  6. Mandy

    we feel the same way babe. my ten yr old just told me he prays every night for a farm *tear*

    Reply
  7. bonnie

    be strong and courageous….book of joshua

    …may the Father shower His blessings upon your faithful heart…

    Reply
  8. Joyfulhomemaker

    i would love it if you could read 4 posts I wrote a few years back
    http://farmgirl67.blogspot.com.au/2008/05/promised-land.html

    http://farmgirl67.blogspot.com.au/2008/05/confirming-his-word.html

    http://farmgirl67.blogspot.com.au/2008/05/god-is-amazing.html

    http://farmgirl67.blogspot.com.au/2008/06/god-is-faithful-he-can-be-trusted_12.html

    I can tell you that what awaits you on the other side is far beyound what you could ever believe.. we have been on our farm 4 yrs this september..our life is so wonderful now just hold on for your promise land

    Reply
  9. Joyfulhomemaker

    oh and btw the true miracle is that i didn’t hound my husband LOL

    Reply
  10. Patti

    Good things come to those who wait, Angela!!!…Hang in there…and SMILE :)….our kids love to see us Smile!!!

    Reply
  11. Pam

    I know how you feel, too. We long to be out in the country with property to roam and the ability to have as many chickens and farm animals as our heart desires. We’re not allowed to have chickens in our town, either. That’s just stupid. You’re right about God’s timing, though. I take comfort in that.

    You see, we used to live in FL. When our son was born we realized that it was NOT where we wanted to raise our family. But, we felt trapped – helpless – and not in a position to sell our home. We prayed for 4 years before God opened the door for us to move. But, God had a plan that was better than ours. We were down there in 2004 when it was hit by 4 hurricanes in 1 season. Our home suffered a direct hit by the eye wall of 3 of those hurricanes. This was our blessing in disguise. Because we did the work ourselves, we were able to use the insurance money to not only fix the roof and rebuild the lanai, but we were able to put in a new kitchen as well. (It was so bad that it was missing cabinet doors and I’d regularly sweep up chunks of cabinet that had broken off.) At the same time, FL experienced a real estate boom and equity sky rocketed. When we finally felt God release us to list our home, it sold in 5 days. My MIL was also down and going to move back home with us. Her home sold in 1 day. Not only did God make a way for our homes to sell quickly, but we got a ridiculous amount of $ for our home. Enough to pay off all old student loans, credit cards, and one of our vehicles – still leaving us about $40K for a cash cushion for moving.

    Even though we had to wait much longer than we wanted to move, God’s timing was key. The real estate market down there crashed shortly after we moved. There was a very small window for us to sell our home at the price we did, enabling us to pay off debt and live without the stress of being completely strapped financially. It was definitely worth the wait. 🙂

    That’s what I keep holding onto now. God knows our hearts desire to be out in the country – he put that desire there. So, I have to trust that He’s working it all out in a way much better than I could, just like he did before.

    I know this was a long comment, but I wanted to share my story in hopes that it would encourage you today. My faith is with you, Sistah!

    And, FYI..I so look forward to your posts! Your blog is one I never tire of. 🙂

    Reply
  12. Corrine

    All things in due time as the saying goes. Hopefully, everything you wish will occur sooner than later. It is the waiting that is so difficult I think. I live in the suburbs of a large city. I like the ability to be close to the culture I enjoy but truely, if I win the big lottery, I will be on a farmette before the chickens wake up!

    Reply
  13. Anne

    I believe things will happen when God says it is time.We were selling our home 6 years ago.Not because of your situation.But a financial one.Just as the market was starting to go down.My husband was going to lose his job and we needed to sell our house.We did not know were we would go.Out of state?It took four months to sell.At the time it seemed like forever.We found a new home in a new town.And my husband found a new job just 30 minutes from our new house.It was in God’s plans.We prayed hard about all of this.And it was right for God and right for us.We love where we live.And I am thankful for my husbands job and all the new friends my daughter has made.The one thing I do miss is our old church.With our move we never really fit in to a new church.
    Blessings,
    Anne

    Reply
  14. lissyparkerltd

    God has a plan, and it will be perfect–waiting is the hard part. I can not wait to see your Farm and the new house. It will be such fun.

    xoxo, Lissy Parker

    Reply
  15. lissyparkerltd

    God has a plan and it will be perfect, waiting is the hard part. i can not wait to see your Farm and the new house.

    xoxo, Lissy Parker

    Reply
  16. Passionedeco...perchè le case hanno un'anima

    OF COURSE ANGELA!

    IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.
    THAT’S SURE.

    Do not get nervous and things will work out.
    You deserve it, you need it!
    And I can’t wait to hear THE news.

    With love,

    Fra

    Reply
  17. Sherri B.

    Your post tugged at my heart…It would be hard to not have our chickens but I believe that The Lord wants us to have our hearts desire…”In His time” is not always easy but He never fails us! Keep the faith. xo

    Reply
  18. Megan

    Oh, can I relate! I am there with you, seriously! I feel it keenly too! I’m desperately longing to look out my kitchen window and see my little “farmboy” trudging across the fields, past a big red barn, bringing his momma fresh eggs to make for breakfast, but all I see is my neighbor’s huge white vinyl privacy fence dwarfing our yard. Sigh… I want to live where my well-tended, but ever expanding veggie garden isn’t considered an eyesore (why can’t she buy her tomatoes from Whole Foods like the rest of us?) and where hanging out sheets on a clothesline does not make you a hillbilly. By the way, I’m from So. Ohio and I know a thing or two about hillbillys. What they may lack in sophistication they more than make up for in common sense and self-sufficiency, and when it all goes bad one day (and that day my be sooner rather than later!) I’ll place my bets with them over Chicagoland suburban well-heeled ladies who lunch. We are in the pouring over the internet-trying to find the best place-lusting over farms stage. Sounds like you have what I have! It hits me like a ton of bricks and comes on like a fever every spring and I can’t seem to shake it. It’s infectious and the writer of the coldantler blog has termed it “barnheart”. It’s only cure is a big old barn and some acres to call your very own. Just know that there are other “farmgirls” out there, pining for wide open spaces, some chicks and a goat or two, and we too are waiting on God’s timing.

    Reply
  19. Roller Mill Farms

    ohh its sad you had to let go of your ladies. we just got our very first flock and i love them so much! I know how you feel with that lack of faith.. there are things i am wanting now out of my control and it seems no matter the circumstances it’s never easy to wait in the unknown. There must be depth and goodness to be found under here somewhere… i probably needed to hear about someone else’s woes as much as you needed to write them today.. =)It’s nice to get out of my own head for a moment!

    Reply
  20. Shaye @ The Elliott Homestead

    Hang tough darlin – “do not let you heart be troubled, for I know the plans I have for you.”

    Praying the Lord will bring you great patience and grace to carry through this time in faith!

    Reply
  21. claire

    I recently had to get rid of my girls too. We got them from the same place you did. One of our neighbors said they were keeping them up at night, which is ridiculous because we never ever heard them! Can’t wait for my farm either 🙂

    Reply
  22. Anonymous

    I know you already know this but your life is blessed with a healthy family. Some people dream of having what you have. Your dream will happen. I kind of feel bad for the people that bought Pam’s home. Her dream became someone else’s nightmare when the market crashed. We had our dream home and thoroughly enjoyed it. Funny thing is dreams change. Right when we decided to pursue a new dream for a different stage in our lives the market crashed. That had an effect on our choices like it has for so many other people.

    Kathy

    Reply
  23. janet

    Praying your dreams of selling your home and buying a farm come true..

    Reply
  24. Katie

    Any time these doubts and worries arise, remember He knows the desires of your heart! He knows what you need before you ever ask! And He will do infinitely beyond all we can think or imagine!!

    Reply
  25. Priscilla

    I think of the times I’ve tried to hurry God. it really never works out. I hope you can be patient a little longer. If it is the right thing, He will make it happen in His time.
    You are doing more for your children where you are than most parents these days. Your move will happen when the time is right.

    Reply
  26. kim

    Hi,I just came across your post and read your story. I know it is easy to become anxious, around twenty years ago we were in the same boat. We were living in town and desperately wanted to move our two boys, six and eight year olds, to experience country life. We kept trying to sell, things never worked out, we tryed to buy, again,that didn’t work out. We finally gave it all to the Lord and said, ok, God if this is where you want us then so be it. Two months later everything fell into place. It was a matter of submitting to God. We did and He over the top blessed us!!! kimhttp://whitebarnbasics.blogspot.com/

    Reply
  27. A Cottage Muse

    When you least expect it everything will fall into place. I’ll be thinking positive for you!

    Reply
  28. Diane@Peaceful Acres Farm

    I’m a new reader by way of Farm Girl Cyn! As an “older” woman, first let me say that yes, God does give us our hearts desires in His time. He is the Great Dream Giver! It was “my” dream (not necessarily my hubs dream) to farm. We live on 5 rural residential acres in Maryland and instead of waiting my entire life until I was really old and could move to a “real” farm, I finally got hubs on board and we put up a mini barn and fencing and got our cow and goats and of course got the chickens first. Most of our neighbors just didn’t get it….I think they thought I’d gone off the deep end. I tell you that because most of us think we need a “real” farm to farm! We don’t. We can turn any piece of land into a farm….if zoning allows. My greatest dream now is for more land and because I do know that God is the Great Dream Giver and He is always expanding our boarders and this is what I do now for “work” I know that He will eventually give us a bigger place with more land for more head of cattle to graze. And perhaps even in a state where I can sell all that goat cheese I make.

    Don’t give up. Hold fast to knowing the Great Dream Giver and believe that His timing is perfect. Oh and don’t forget to listen along the way so that you can learn all that He has for you….contentment being the hardest, I believe.

    Reply
  29. Deanna

    May you sell your house, but never your HOME.

    Embrace your babies,
    d

    Reply
  30. Carole Kurth

    Oh, It is so easy to say,’Trust the Lord,’ when it’s someone else who has to do the trusting! We know in our Brains that that is what has to happen, but in our hearts, we’re like little children, aren’t we? “Please, Please, PleeeEEZZE?!”

    I’ve been there many many times myself, and it always turns out–and much better than I could expect. You know the Perfect Place is being prepared for you right now, and the perfect people are being prepared/deciding to make a move, which will in turn prepare them for your home!

    All of us will be celebrating with you, as the journey continues. Do not give up hope! Hugs and Blessings to you and your family.

    Reply
  31. à la parisienne

    I feel many of your same emotions about living in the country on my own land where we can have the space to become more sustainable and spend more time outdoors exploring, taking walks, napping on hammocks, and working like crazy on a huge garden and raising lots of chickens! I’ve longed to live in the country since I was a young girl and I am slowly inching my way that direction. My husband is always telling me now is just not the time, and sometimes that is hard to hear. Thankfully, both you and I do live in nice homes and in safe communities. We can also be grateful that our husbands have reliable work to do so that we can stay home with our children. I wouldn’t ever want to risk having to work outside of the home just so my home is out in the country. (I know you would agree.) I’m just trying to offer a little bit of perspective that I would hope someone would give me when I’m feeling down. Your words reminded me of a the lyrics to a song by Shannon Wexelburg called “In the Waiting”
    Here are the words in the chorus:
    “You are in the waiting
    In that moment of my life
    When my faith and hope collide
    While my heart’s anticipating
    How and when You’ll move
    Oh, that’s when You prove
    You are in the waiting too”

    I’ll close this “chapter” that I’ve written, for now…

    Looking forward to Sunday, and I hope your launch party is a blast!

    Mandy

    Reply
  32. Corrina

    Hi Angela, I can relate as my husband just wants to sell and move anywhere- I love oue home and the place we live- its not a farm but not a city. We have chooks and rabbits and can drive a short distance to some of the most beautiful beaches in the world. I think I would find this hard too. But I think back to 4 weeks ago when my 19yr old moved out of home into student accomodation for uni. Her new bedroom half the size of hers at home, with a single bed and desk and a wardrobe and white walls. After we unpacked her stuff and put her books on the shelf and hung a few things around the room my daughter stopped in her tracks and said- this looks just like my room at home! Wherever you lay your hat is home! Hope this helps xxCorrina.

    Reply
  33. Chrissy

    Wow Angela, I did not know about your “ladies” and the mayor. I live in the country on a “not used” farm 🙁 However, in our town they tried to “outlaw” chickens too??? I believe at this point the people are still allowed?
    When I say “unused” farm, my family and I inherited my grandfathers farm but none of my family has the Heart to farm. This is going to break or your heart, we only farm a small vegetable garden and did have about 25 chickens. It is sad but with no one else to help I get discouraged and just get upset when spring comes and see grassy fields? I keep praying my family will soon see my vision?
    There are days that I pray to move back to the city, just to feel alive again.
    I am so frustrated with myself at times, that I can’t even figure out what God’s plan is????? Is it to keep the farm or move?
    I guess we are waiting and praying for God to speak or move. One word from God will change our lives.
    I love your blog and it gives me great inspiration.
    Chrissy

    Reply
  34. Stephanie

    As I look out my side kitchen window and see the brick wall that is my neighbor’s house within spitting distance, I get what you are saying. A little breathing room would be nice. I hope you get your farm!

    Reply
  35. Serendipity

    Trust that there is a bigger plan and better timing than what you may realize. I embarked upon the same journey. At the time, it seemed like it would be an eternity before I would get to move to the “country”. I decided to “let go and let God”. I made the best life that I could right where I am and looked for opportunities to help others and to “get away to the country” to renew my soul when I felt that I had nothing left to give to my “city life”. You’re in my prayers. xo

    Reply

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