No, sorry Big Daddy… I’m not referring to you…
Sorry Momma… not you either…
Meet my best friend-

Suzy Seamripper.

Actually, she’s not my best friend.
She offers no friendship like qualities.
She’s never around when I need her.  Always buried at the bottom of some heap of scraps on my table.  She offers no kind words of encouragement.  On the contrary, she mocks me scornfully whenever we meet.  She’s used and broken, but does not offer her friendship humbly; instead she is proud and haughty as she knows how very desperately I need her.   The more I think about it the more I hate her.  I know she thinks I am a fool and that my reliance on her is rather pathetic.
So went my sewing day today.
I have three skirts and two dresses to finish in two weeks.  (Can you hear her laughing???)  I had joy in finally finding plaid that I love but it has since departed in a sea of bias-cut blues.  I’ve got a little over two weeks…

Today pattern lingo is alluding me.
I mean – what the heck?  Why can’t a pattern speak in a normal language?
“Easy Sew” – Easy sew my rear end!!!  Maybe if your last name is Versace!

“Stitch in the Ditch” – This sounds like something one might do after too many glasses of Bordeaux!

“Baste” – Isn’t that something you do to a turkey?

“Right sides together” – Sounds like a Tea Party rally to me!

Today I read some “Under stitching” directions that might as well have said:

Somedays I think I am getting so good and others I feel a drunken costume designer.
  Sad clown face-n-all.
The designs in my head (cause of course, I can’t just be happy with the outcome the pattern has for me… I always have to “do more”) are going to be really cute.  Either that or the girls and I will be in potato sacks for their birthdays and Christmas…
Hey – it worked for my girl Marilyn!