It’s just a truck.
Often throughout the week I will instruct Aidan on discipline and what it is. I try to explain to my little guy that being disciplined is doing what you need to do when you don’t want to do it.
Dignity on the other hand is keeping a handle on your emotions while you are exercising discipline.
I think today I only displayed one of those character traits, for I cried as Joel pulled our truck out of the driveway for the last time.
It’s been coming for a few months now; getting rid of the truck. This has definitely been our annus horribilis financially speaking. We’re not loosing bids cause we’re not even writing them. Pretty incredible. (Do I get a bailout???)
Anyways, we’re trimming any fat we can find in this lean, mean household and sadly our beautiful black Silverado was that fat the
was the easiest to grab and slash with a machete. Oh, and that is what it felt like.
After hours spent on Craigslist, insulting offers from CarMax and dealing with slimy, slimy, used auto sales managers we finally were offered something we could stomach…kind of. That was last night and so we drove home from the dealership as
a family contemplating the offer, during a beautiful sunset against the rows of corn and power lines. That fun new “cover” of Sweet Home Alabama by Kid Rock came over the country radio station and to break the depressing silence I turned it up loud and Joel, Aidan and I rocked out one more time in our truck (Amélie was along for the ride). Tears blurred my eyes as we sang, “Singing Sweet Home Alabama all summer long!” Aidan was bobbin his head and bitin’ down on his bottom lip as he grooved to lyrics he should not be listening to! It was one of those moments – a special, painful snapshot that won’t quickly be forgotten.
I’ll never forget the sound of my Grandpas combine starting up that one last time on the morning of the farm auction and I’ll never forget the sound of our truck as Joel turned the key this morning before pulling out of our driveway.
I know it was the right thing to do. If there is or is not a depression on the horizon it does not matter – we had to do it after a year like this. We are all healthy, we have each other, “It’s just a truck” I told Aidan (and myself over and over again) – I am trying not to think of how I will Garden without it or how we will camp or really enjoy those Sunday rides out in the country…
Joel promised we will get another one someday. We’ll pay cash and it will be a blessing to our family instead of a guilty burden. I am sure any minute now I will feel a surge of empowerment, that feeling you get when you have behaved in a disciplined manner. But then again maybe not, cause the phone just rang, it was Joel. It’s a done deal and he is on his way home in an “old” Jeep Cherokee. So of course, I am crying again.
I think I fool myself into thinking I am not materialistic because I don’t really care for new things. That somehow loving my old crusty house, my old junk and wonderfully ratty furniture that somehow not having any new shoes in the last 2 years makes me righteous or something. I could give a rats ass about cars, surround sound and plasma T.V.’s but big Black Silverado’s make me swoon.
My good man reminded me not to be attached to earthly possessions, that all this shall fade away. Some things sooner than others I guess.
Say it with me, “Its just a truck.”
I know if I say it enough times I’ll start to believe it.
I’m sorry. I know this is really hard to go through. Someday you will have another one and so much more. You’re doing what you have to do and the rewards will come.
Joel is right. And you did the right thing. “Do not love the world, nor the things of the world…..” has become my mantra of late. We need only look around to see we are in the end of the end days. Keep the faith….and trust in His provision. He promises He shall supply all our NEEDS….that would be food and clothing and shelter.
“If you have run with the footmen, and they have wearied you, then how can you contend with horses? And if in the land of peace, in which you trusted, they wearied you, then how will you do in the floodplain of the Jordan?” Jeremiah 12:5
This is a scripture I have had on my mind for several days. For you….and for me.
Love you, and have been thinking and praying for you,
Cindy
Putting pen to paper, I believe will help the process for you…a blip on the radar as you so lovingly comforted me back in August.
The things of this earth grow strangely dim…
You are full of such dignity and grace, and you my country bumpkin can now dream about your next pick up
…..my fondest memory is Door….being snuggled in the back on either side of Aidan as we toured the pennisula
yes, a blip on the radar screen. you will rejoice daily as you move on and each moment realize it probably was the beginning to many wonderful financial decisions you will continue to make. I have never been one for what I drive, makes me who I am at all. I laugh when I see these expensive cars drive by and know they are paying $349- or more to fit in.
My minivan is junky but paid for. we have not had any car payments for almost 10 years. its the most freeing thing EVER! I am not the minivan because I drive a minivan.
our next purchase will be a “homeschool van” and again I have no problem driving it with all these blessings here!
xoxox
good for you!
on another note, we have gone with one car for many years and I will do it again in a heartbeat if it means more financial freedoms!
It’s the simple things in life like ‘when’ and ‘where’
Sip some whiskey out the bottle!
big announcement (s)
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Dear Parisienne Farmgirl – you have the right attitude. Don’t let the economic blahs get you down.
I have followed your blog for awhile. Discovered it when I was starting mine (thanks to the “farmgirl” thing). Your gardening is a REAL inspiration! I am a farmgirl of the livestock raising variety, with no green thumb whatsoever.
When you can, check out my blog for our French connection. (My hubby) We are Francophiles and are teaching the little ones French.(or making a feeble attempt).
I homeschooled my 4 children for 5 years. Loved it. As for discipline, my kids can recite the mantra “Obedience is doing what Mommy says, Right away! Without asking questions!” and they occasionally do just that.
Love your blog! More gardening pics please!
Katy
Alpaca Farmgirl
I feel for you. I had a fun car that drove me to freedom in California and then back to Minnesota in failure… to a new job, then to Chicago, where many life-altering things happened. That little piece of Ford got me there, packed to the gills with EVERYTHING I owned (I didn’t have much!). She got great mileage, too. I sold her out for some much-needed funds when I was unemployed in the big city, and have missed her terribly since.
The honda is a decent replacement but it’s not really my car so much as Nic’s. (Say what you will, but couples don’t truly share all things.)
Let me say it: some grown-up decisions suck. This is one of those for you, sounds like. And yes, we’re not to love the things of this world… but everyone loves some of them, and it’s tough to let them go, especially when they carry such precious memories. You can keep those, and you can be upset about the truck. I’ve never known you to get too involved in the worldly things, or let them rule you, so I trust you know your limits here..
but I still feel for you, too.
love, V.