God is in the Garden... | Parisienne Farmgirl

God is in the Garden…


True, He is everywhere but I swear in the garden sometimes I can feel Him next to me. Amidst all this job stress He feels so far away, so often…if I can find some time alone in the garden I don’t feel so far away from Him. I don’t feel so alone.

The other day I found some of that time. Some quiet. Some thoughts of my own that did not involve waiting for interview calls, that didn’t involve the pressure that we have been living under. Just a few wonderful moments of weed pulling and more importantly – harvesting.
Sometimes I wonder how much longer we can live with this pressure, it feels like my head will explode and then I feel like such a coward and baby because I know people are dealing with so much more. But it is hard not panic that winter is coming and there still is no new job and any painting is sure to slow even more to a complete halt like it does every year. I often wonder what I was like before this stress, I wonder what our marriage and home life would be like if money was not always a topic. Not that things are bad – there is just the constant presence of stress. I long to feel the constant presence of the Lord instead. Has my faith shrunk so much that it is based on my surrounding circumstances?
I feel like a broken record before the Lord, asking for change and for provisions and trying to express my thankfulness for all that I DO have –
There are days when I want to run away and hide. I don’t have friends that really understand what we are going through and it’s so all consuming I find myself talking about it with every conversation and I just want to scream, “Shut up!” to myself. It makes me not want to call people and truth be told when I consider how much I have “pulled in” in the last 24 months it is really amazing.
I let Joel buy me a couple things at a Barn Sale the other day for my birthday and I am feeling so guilty, I feel like I spent $1000. It was grocery money that we used – totally ridiculous I know but we were out as a family having fun. When I got home it wasn’t so fun and I have been pretty hard on myself about it. I can’t believe how this has worn me down. I always felt like such a fighter, but I am, truth be told, very weary. I can’t imagine how my husband really feels.
The other day, I “hid” in the garden and found my respite there. I breathed deeply, my thoughts were slow and lazy though my hands toiled quickly in the dirt. It was just what I needed but Oh, if I could remember, if I could live out that above all HE is just what I need…
…Restore our fortunes, LORD
as streams renew the desert.
Those who plant in tears,
will harvest with shouts of joy.
They weep as they go to plant their seed,
but they sing as they return with the harvest.
Psalm 126 4-6
New Living Translation





16 thoughts on “God is in the Garden…”

  1. My sweet and beautiful friend,
    What better book to quote at this time:
    When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.
    –Isaiah 43:2

    I’m a thousand miles away, but I can always lend an ear 🙂

    I hope you and your little ones are feeling better.
    *hugs*

  2. You speak eloquently about a very difficult topic. Your garden is beautiful and I can see why it brings you comfort working on your harvest. I can offer my prayers to lift up with yours.

    Reading your blog, you seem to be one of those who are truly doing God’s work with your motherhood, praise of God, and spreading His word. Peace be with you!

  3. God, in His design created this peace that passes all understanding …

    He still reigns and His peace IS our all in all.

    I am so thankful you have the garden to go to.

    Let’s hang out on Friday …

  4. Our situations are different, but I do understand your worry and stress. I wish I could come by and commiserate with you over a glass of lemonade! We are both walking a difficult path right now, aren’t we?

    God will see us through all this stuff, and, as my BIL Jean-Pierre told me, life will be beautiful – like your garden.

    Keep the faith.

    (hugs)

  5. I hate that you have been struggling for so long. It makes no sense. I wish I had the answer but I love you guys dearly and am praying that all of the provision you need will come quickly. Keep your head up.

  6. eh ehm (clearing through rather obviously)

    uh – THIS friend understands YOU ABSOLUTELY AND COMPLETELY!

    you must not have meant moi! lol

    you are in my prayers Ang- and also please understand that your honesty, rather than a fake smile, is very bold and gutsy….

    AH: new nickname for you: GUTSY FARMGIRL 😉
    (my blog word identification is “tryin” – ha!)

  7. (((HUGS FOR MY FRIEND)))
    I know that David, in the book of Psalms just let it all out there for God to hear….and I know God can take whatever you’ve got to say. He understands our anger…and I never learned that until I grew up. Sometimes when our answers don’t come and we don’t see the way it is impossible to be “up”….but I want you to know that you are the most real of my blogging friends and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I am so impressed with your gorgeous gardens and being a few years along ahead of you in the marriage department, I can honestly say that those times when things were tough and we had our little ones at home were some of the best…truly. You don’t believe it now, but it really will be something looked back upon with a lump in your throat…the good kind.
    XOXO
    Joni

  8. (I can’t get your profile’s email feature to work.)

    I am looking for someone to paint my kitchen cabinets. They are the orangey oak kind. Is this the kind of painting your husband does? I’d be interested in getting a bid and references from him. I live in West Chicago, not sure if this is in your area….

    Thanks,
    Martha

  9. Martha!
    Thank you so much for your comment!

    We actually work all over Chicagoland so West Chicago is no problem. We would love to give you a bid. We actually specialize in kitchen cabs and would be happy to show you photos and give you references.

    My email has changed so perhaps that is the problem. It is angelovesparis@gmail.com.

    Thank you again.

  10. I just discovered your blog and have been going through the archives….. and loving it! Your walk with God is beautiful and I love how you share the Scriptures with such beauty. Your life is beautiful and I have lived much of my life as you have, and am still living it in many ways! 🙂 You are blessed. Keep sharing!

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