Double Vented? Double Dented. | Parisienne Farmgirl

Double Vented? Double Dented –

That’s how I feel when it comes to men’s fashion.
Like I have two big dents in my head and they have created a huge gap between knowing what I like and actually articulating that into my husbands wardrobe.
Yes, this is my responsibility.
When I met him he wore McGuiver shorts and “Johnson” t-shirts in public.  This was quite a shock the first time I saw him outside of the country “nightclub” where we met (in Wranglers and a big black cowboy hat!)
When we were first married we had many a knock down drag out over “being dressed up”.  He would derogatorily call me “Princess” when I would wear my vintage faux fur coats and insisted that khakis and a polo were “dressed up” for himself.
Thankfully – he’s come a LONG way baby but
while Joel is attracted to great clothing, left to his own devices he will wear the same stupid plaid button up and gray tennis shoes all week long.
Where’s a match and some lighter fluid when you need it???
I abhor the way most men dress.
Let me make myself even more clear to my .03 gentleman readers…
As if anyone cares but…
I abhor the following:
(Let me be clear – I am referring to “public” appearances.  Cleaning out your garage, bumming on the couch or hanging out at your summer cottage is another story.  Lord knows I wear stuff around the house I wouldn’ be caught DEAD in out and about).

Sports jerseys at church.

Baseball caps at church – I should not even have to say that.
Crocs anywhere that does not have SAND.
Camo.

Flip flops on men – period.  
Fleece if you’re not around a campfire.
Tennis shoes if you’re not working out
(There are some Summer-time-with-shorts exceptions of course but there is no excuse for white tennis shoes with jeans!!!!  In my book not even if you are young and trendy like these guys).
Outdated pants – read: dorky looking pleats.
Printed polo shirts.
Hawaiian shirts – can you guess what I am going to say?… unless you are at a Luau or at a backyard, suburban BBQ… and then, only then, if you really MUST!
Pants that are too short – I mean, do you have mirror, better yet… a TAILOR?!
And, take the cell phone OFF YOUR BELT and OUT OF YOUR BACK POCKET  – ick.

I’d list the looks I do like but I know my poor blog already has the rep of being “text heavy” – sigh.

It’s total CRAP that men get to walk around looking like fat, unfashionable or beer bellied slobs while we “agonize” over staying trim, wrinkle free and stylish.  I mean, what is it with the average American man?  I am not talking about being effeminate or metrosexual – I am talking about respect.  Respect for church members, party attendees, co-workers and for heavens sake – your WIFE!
Don’t you think a girl likes to have something to look at???
Now – I can figure out how to get somewhat of a fashionable, champagne type look on my Coors Light budget for myself but doing that for hubby can be a bit of a challenge.  Especially when it comes to suits.
He only owns a handful.  
Read two or three. 
 And every time he puts it on he looks like a clown.  (He would agree with me here – don’t want you to think I am bashing my man!)  He never has that James Bond, trim, Bradley Cooper type look. 
Now, he could say that I don’t look like a Bond Girl in my cocktail dress too –
  fair enough
 but you catch my drift!
Today we took one of his suits to my friend a “master seamstress” and asked her to work her magic in time for Easter service at church.  I have been wanting to to this for AGES especially since Big Daddy ain’t as big as he used to be – by a good twenty pounds since he got his “new” job a year and a half ago.
I lamented to her my lack of knowledge about mens tailoring.  I know the basics:
the shoulder line, pant length and cuff length but 
breaks, no vents, single vents, double vents – oh my!  
I am out of my element and Joel is left looking and feeling like he bought his suit at the Goodwill.
I told her I felt the need to pick up a GQ upon occasion and study it.  She said that was a great idea.  She also pinned the SNOT out of Joel’s suit that we purchased ages ago in Paris… It’s not a quality suit by any means but now she is giving him a sleek, stylish look, and taking his outdated “no vent” jacket and giving it two too!
I am so excited.
In the meantime it’s time for me to stop just drooling over the Sartorialist and learn something.  I have found this great website with Q and A’s on the subject and this one too which explains the basics of men’s suits.  Now, if I could just get him to wear his scarf more often and think outside the plaid shirt…
A trip to the Haberdashery is not on the schedule or in the budget but that is no excuse
after all…
Every girl’ crazy ’bout a sharp dressed man!

15 thoughts on “Double Vented? Double Dented –”

  1. FOR REAL. Why should we have to agonize over looking great all the time and they are in their athletic pants all day?! Not that I really care that much because where are N & I going anyway (nowhere)? But if I am dressing the BABY and myself, then Daddy better follow suit!
    I just bought a sexy pair of heels. N commented how nice they are. Yeah, I know! Now, you get somethin’ to match, dude! 😉

  2. Oh my gosh, this post is amazing!!! I am so glad that I am not the only woman who feels this way. I hate how so many men are dressed so sloppily these days. What happened to the Mad Men era?? I know the men on that show are sleaze buckets, but dang, do they look GOOD! Other men need to take note.

  3. My husband wore themed t-shirts and shorts or jeans most days. Oh, and he always wore a belt so that he could hook his cell phone on it. He was so handsome that it didn’t really bother me. But, after we were married, I started updating his wardrobe. He was resistant, but dang, he looked good!

    And I agree with you about flip flops, but Michael had the nicest feet and he looked good in them.

    I miss shopping for him. 🙁

  4. Oh girlfriend… Do I ever know what you mean!! You just have to do a makeover with these men, and start soon!

    Come and enter my very fashionable giveaway!

    xoxo
    Karena
    Art by Karena

  5. PREACH IT SISTER! Yesterday at the grocery store I was treated to the sight of several middle aged men in in tank tops, sloppy shorts – dressed like 6yos, really. I don’t want to see hairy armpits, thankyouverymuch.
    I’ve been making over my husband the past few yrs – he’s very slim so all the oversized stuff is gone and he’ll now dress like Hugh Grant ( sportcoat, no tie) for most social occassions.

  6. My husband does not read blogs, but he will be reading this one. Hee, hee, hee. To be fair, he does dress very nicely 90% of the time including looking dashing in suits when attending Christian meetings, weddings, funerals, etc.(I hope Joel gets the perfect fitting for his suit because I really do believe every man can look sublime in the right cut/style for him). But he does have a rather tiresome affinity for baseball hats and his feet should not wear sandals of any kind unless there is sufficient toe cleaveage coverage (he has very long digits). AND we have been going round about a pair of khaki pants he wears around the house that should have seen their last day, oh about a year ago. I am on the verge of burning them. YES! Men should have to care about their appearance just as we do. Thank you for this!! xxBliss

  7. i abhor CAMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    my hubby wont even farm in jeans, he dresses up for the occassion and finds it more comfortable! He will wear a straw hat also 🙂 no baseball caps… he is a true gentlemen farmer.

    no crocs here, he wouldn’t be caught dead in them!

    I wont even let our boys wear camo, YUCK!

    good post

  8. I’m crazy insanely disturbed by men who wear a suit coat with their jeans, thinking we can’t tell it’s not a sport coat, really now…

    neck hair and Andy Griffith eyebrows … there ain’t no uxcuse for that.

    oh and how DO they rate getting 15.00 hair cuts and we pay upwards of 70.00

  9. My son asked me if I knew how to arrange the handkerchief in the pocket of his suit. I Googled it and was amazed after I got it in there right. Yay! I feel like I know everything about suits now!

    XO,
    Jane

  10. #1 pet peeve about mens casual clothing are the shorts my husband buys at Academy. They are the most stiff, velcroed things with these inner linings that mystify me. Not to mention the velcro comes undone and sticks to all of my finer things in the dryer and out comes some hot mess from the laundry with the inner lining on the outside. It makes me scream. I’ve threatened to cut out the linings. Is this even making sense? Please tell me someone else has to wash these things.

    I bet Joel’s suit comes out nice and fitted.

  11. Oh my stars you are my new hero! I was thinking I was the only one who felt this way! I must admit, my dear, dear husband of 18 years has come along way…but we’re not home-free yet. I do believe he will find a copy of this post on his pillow this evening!

  12. We’re planning on having suits made and tailored to G when he gets home from Iraq. He has that long lean look that makes me swoon when he’s in a suit!

    Men in suits just scream sexy to me. I’m always shocked when I meet a woman who doesn’t love them.

  13. Hilarious!

    My Cowboy is a man of simple means. Wranglers, nice cotton Old Navy button down shirts, well worn lace up roper boots and a great cowboy hat.

    He sports a suit now and then when necessarry, but I think he’s most handsome as himself…..the cowboy that he is.

    It’s a shame more men don’t really care how they look because you are right, we love to have something nice to look at too!

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