Who needs a Fall Makeover?
You can never be too rich or too thin.
Or so, said the Duchess of Windsor.
Quite frankly, that sounds exhausting. I’d rather simply be happy with myself and “count my many blessings, name them one by one.”
But allow me to speak plainly. What about a real women’s thoughts about her appearance? Are we even allowed to have them without being made to feel guilty? Is there a safe place to simply say, “Hey, it’s no reflection on anyone else, but I’d like to improve some things about myself.”?
I have a friend who is in great shape and very thin and you know what? Women can’t handle it. They think it comes easy for her. They feel the need to apologize for themselves in front of her. Even strangers “thin shame” her. It’s CRAZY! I’ve seen it firsthand. She often has to keep her goals and successes to herself because most women around her CAN’T handle it. That’s so ridiculous. If she is that committed to taking care of herself, that should be OK! It’s no reflection on anyone else!
I remember stumbling upon this blog once. It was written by a Christian woman and HOLY COW – she was gorgeous. I mean, textbook, Barbie doll, gorgeous. And I typically find a more unique look beautiful, but there was no denying it. This gal was picture perfect and I actually felt sorry for her. (That’s terrible of me, I know). But I thought, how difficult it must be making her way through life being THAT beautiful, let alone making your way through church looking that exquisite.
Sigh. I’m trying to navigate the waters of this post and I have NO IDEA what I’m doing.
So, here’s me. My blog. My feelings. Not a reflection on anyone else.
I’ve always taken care of myself. Appearance has always been a priority, simply because, I ENJOY it. I like clothes, makeup, hair… but lately, I’ve got to tell you. I’m feeling a little frumpy. A little mid-40’s. I suppose it’s aging. The whole process is beautiful and alarming at the same time.
Take this summer, for example, I always pause my gym membership during the summer because by late Spring it’s clear that I can’t maintain the crazy, exhaustive labor in the gardens AND lift weights and hit the treadmill at five a.m. NOT happening. In summer’s past, I lost a little muscle tone but didn’t fret much. But this summer?
ICK.
It was like my entire body decided to slide southward during the month of July. And my fabulous red pants got snug. And they’re STRETCH darn it! It’s a good thing I love to wear dresses most of the time, but by summer’s end, I felt like I was hiding in them.
And then I watched one of my own videos on YouTube and saw a double chin and thought, WHERE DID THAT COME FROM!?
And my hair?
Bleh. I’m super tired of coloring it myself. Home colored hair ALWAYS looks… home colored. Yes, even as much as I love my Madison Reed, the gray comes back so fast that I have no idea how I’d maintain it at a salon. Let alone a salon up here. (I’ve been warned against ANY Door County hair color:) I’ve GOT to figure out a way to add some fabulous color and highlights in a way that I could still color the roots myself. Andres says it can be done…
And last year, I was ticked, really ticked at my husband about something at lunchtime and I bit down, HARD on my salad fork and totally chipped my front tooth. It served me right, I was being dreadful, but you know what? I’ve been walking around with that chipped tooth, hating it for ONE YEAR. How’s that for the self-care I’m always encouraging women to take part in? I’m so embarrassed by it and my procrastination.
And last but not least. My skin. I’m super proud of it, darn it. I’ve taken meticulous care of it for years and do so daily. Religiously. But… I have these two big sunspots from pregnancies, one on each side of my face. I also have a DEEP acne scar in the middle of my forehead that I FILL IN with primer every day. It’s an actual hole in my forehead. I love to go sans makeup, but that’s the one thing I can’t stand. The HOLE in the middle of my forehead. You’ve never noticed? Of course, you haven’t. I literally fill it. I hate these three things. HATE THEM. But out of guilt (IE: I should be happy with my face), I’ve never done anything about them. And you know what girlfriends? THAT’S STUPID. The two sunspots and deep acne scar could be taken care of in ONE visit to the dermatologist. WHY would I need to feel guilty about that? I’m not talking about butt cheek implants for crying out loud or clipping off my toe so I can fit my fit into Manolos. I’m talking about a scar and ugly brown discoloration that I spend a little time, just about every day covering up. It’s 2019 for crying out loud, they can do so much these days.
So, I’ve come to the conclusion that whatever funky, 40’s, “rut” I’ve been in, is probably rather self-inflicted.
The truth is, I had some emotional rollercoasters this summer and I probably did more emotional eating than I cared to admit.
The truth is, I’ve been sorta lazy about my hair. Content to just keep it the way it is, ’cause it’s pretty reliable.
The truth it, stewardship is a thing here. I’ve made a nice investment in my wardrobe. It would be in very poor taste of me to keep shopping to accommodate a few extra pounds. I need to be diligent and show self-control when I eat to accommodate the changes a woman’s body apparently goes through as she gets older.
I need to remind myself of one of my favorite mottos:
I need better, not more.
The truth is, I DO REALLY CARE HOW I LOOK. There. I said it. I think I care more than I dare to let on. It’s OK for me to care. It’s not out of raging insecurity. Or some It’s not out of competition. I care because I enjoy it.
So here’s the plan:
I’m minding my P’s and Q’s and I’m going to lose the pounds that have gotten on my nerves this year. I don’t believe in diets. I believe in moderation (à la Parisienne) and clearly, I need more of it. Late October, I’m heading to Andres and I’m getting a new hairstyle. I’m so excited I can’t take it. By then, my favorite red pants should resemble style more than sausage casing and I plan to rock them. I’m also researching dermatologists. For once and for all I’m going to take care of these two spots and the scar, so that when I want to, I can rock my no-makeup look with confidence because I really do enjoy clean, fresh, no-makeup skin now and then. And for the love of salad forks – I’m going to the dentist. Just get the dang tooth filed Ang. Stop being such a martyr.
I know ruts. I do my best to help others with their own “ruts” all the time. I work in a business that requires a lot of self-motivation and self-encouragement. I’ll have sales reps on my doTERRA team reach out to me and say, “I’m in a rut. How can I get my business ramped up again?” 99% of the time, they know the answer. It lies in their own activity. Do the activities that bring results.
Same could be said to me. “Ang. Do the activities that bring results”. We’re creatures of habit though and it’s much easier to b—- about something than it is to be disciplined enough to take action.
Life is about ownership. Heck, joie de vivre is about ownership. Owning your situation, acknowledging what you did to contribute to it, be it good or bad and being joyful during the process. So this 40’s rut? Frumpy feeling and begrudging my tight red pants? This is on me. It’s overindulgence, procrastination, fear… I’ve decided to be done with all that. So far, it feels pretty good.
What about you? Have you ever had a self-care rut? What did you do to get out of it?
Let’s talk.
I’m in my late 20s. I’m feeling the aging. I just had my second child a month ago and I’ve been thinking to myself “this is it. You will just continue to go down hill from here. Your body will never be the same.” But that doesn’t mean I shouldnt love it!!! I’ve been trying to force myself to get some nursing friendly outfits that don’t look frumpy but dang it’s so hard to just spend the money on yourself. I’m in a rut for sure!
Kait, I can’t think of anything your family probably wants more for you than to feel comfortable and beautiful. Why not buy yourself a couple of cute new tops where you can hoik a boob out? (been there, done that)
I walked for an hour each day after my first three children and ate moderately to get my shape back as best I could. True, it will never be the same but you can still love it and take good care of it.
Go spend a little money on yourself. You have permission!!!
Reading this is 2023 as a mom in my early 40s and yes to it all! I tried for a couple years to grow out my gray and then suddenly I hated my reflection so at home color was the fast fix. Next is the extra weight and a dermatologist appointment in the Fall.
You are so right about the fact that women can’t handle other women’s successes. It is downright pathetic. I Come from a family of very heavy women. I am thin. Like size 0 thin. I get so tired of the “you’re so lucky” or “it must be nice” comments. Nobody would say that type of stuff to a heavy woman, so why is it ok to make such comments when a woman is thin? I feel like I can’t wear a form fitting dress without receiving comments about my figure. It makes me uncomfortable. But you’re so right. We all need to own it. We work hard to maintain, and I don’t dress to show it off, I dress because it makes ME feel good.
I totally hear ya on the tooth. I chipped one during pregnancy. My husband said he didn’t even notice it. But I had it filled for me, because it made me feel so much more confident to have it done.
You do you. Personally I think a few strands of gray is magnificent. Like They’ve been earned over the years. But we all must do what feeds our own happiness. Thanks so much for such an encouraging article this morning.
You go girl. It’s funny because I always look at your blog, you tubes, and IG and wonder how anyone can be so lovely. However, I totally get it. Moms tend to deny themselves (whatever it is) because of the guilt (cost, time, xyz) of changing or obtaining it. I’m super guilty of this. As I’m ending my 30s I’d like to change my thought patterns regarding this. You’ve given me many things to think about. Thank you.
Nine years after my breast cancer diagnosis and a lumpectomy, I am getting breast reconstruction. Not so much to have new, perkier breasts (although I can’t deny it’s a nice benefit!) but for the sake of being able to walk into a store and buy a bra that fits BOTH sides correctly and not need to wear the “rubber chicken cutlet” to balance the girls.
I’m happy for you! I have friends that have chosen both – reconstruction and not. I’m glad you are going to do what’s going to make you feel better! You go ROCK that new bra then!
Ironwood Yoga in Sister Bay has fabulous hot yoga classes. I try to go 2-3 times a week. It’s a tough workout – builds strength, flexibility, balance, and well being. Even my skin looks better. Whenever I feel like I’ve fallen in a rut, I ramp up the yoga.
You are absolutely right! I love this because it’s alright to be both kind to myself now (still either pregnant or postpartum most years) but also work toward improvement and be ambitious for my future! Losing the baby weight for the fifth time and I ain’t 23 anymore, but I’m not throwin’ in the towel, now or ever. I’m learning that it’s not vain or discontent to want to improve, and I know myself well enough know to know that I live my best life when I working toward a goal! It’s about looking forward in all parts of my life, but still enjoying the present. Thanks for this article, it’s truth!
Jane – I so appreciate what you’ve said. I’ve gained and lost 40-50 pounds SIX times and DANG! It’s tough to not just surrender to the spread. (That being east and west in my case mostly). I had my first at 30, so it was always a challenge and got more difficult with each one (the last being at 41). You’re totally right – it’s NOT vain to just be an ordinary girl that wants to improve. It’s so easy to look at the uber beauties of our culture and think, “Well, that could never be me, so to “H” with it.” But we derserve the best we can give ourselves and quite frankly, our families deserve us to feel great too.
I felt that way a little over a year ago. I’m 47 this month btw. I started getting regular facials, upped my workouts, and religiously go to my hairdresser every 7/8 weeks. There are still times I think “wow I shouldn’t spend this or that” but then I read something as wonderful as this that reminds me I’m worth it! My skin has never looked better, even my 17 year old daughter commented to me the other day! Thanks for this and I can not wait to see how much more gorgeous you can actually look! ❌⭕️ Sara
Girl, I just love you. Thank you for this! I’m 44. (Still in major denial). I’ve NEVER had a facial but I swear, that’s next on my list. I’ve lost three pounds since I screwed my head on tight again last week and jazzed about getting into those red pants again. Are you using doTERRA skin care? (Pardon my shameless plus LOL) but I think you’d love it if you’re not yet.
And thank you for your kind words.
Our finances have been really tight since I retired from dentistry but am working 4 days a week at an upscale consignment store that I truly love! I get to decorate all day. The last 2 years in dentistry I gained 25 pounds as soon as I was put on Synthroid. It made me do tired too. Noe that I’m up on my feet all day I’ve lost the 25 lbs
I also quit cold turkey on the Synthroid. We have so many cute clothes in the store but nothing so cute in my size as the smaller sizes show. That’s discouraging. I still have more to lose but I’m trying to make sure my makeup looks good and my hair. I don’t color it and it’s becoming salt and pepper but it is me and I like it and so do other people. Anyway, with money tight I’ve had to be very creative with meals and personal care. It’s been frustrating at times but fun and rewarding to use the old fashioned ways.
Kim! WOW! Good for YOU! Your new job sounds SO FUN! I loved reading about all you are doing, even self-care with a small budget. Pat yourself on the back.
If you’d ever like to pick my brain on how I regulated my thyroid with doTERRA, I’d be happy to share. It was a game changer:)
oh darling Angela…thank you thank you thank you…i am in my 40s and i feel all that you say…yesterday i was going to pick up my twins from preschool,i put on the skinny jeans and my butt was missing.. like literally was not there …but when i put my baby in a wrap and tied it around waist i realised my butt had migrated to my belly cause after 5 kiddoes and 4 c sections my belly does look like a butt…grey hair everywhere…tooth that needs filling…i am like literally trapped on a farm and taken hostage by my lids. .all of which was and remains my biggest dream… i have been so moody and so so tired…and those seedlings need to get into the ground asap and tomatoes and peppers need to be pulled…girl I get your post on so many levels…so so much love from Serbia…
You wrote what I often think about: as women we’re damned if we do, damned if we don’t. Yes, body positivity is wonderful and I truly believe we should all strive to feel good and treat ourselves well no matter what size we are, but I also believe we have a right to make changes, improvements as you say, if we darn well want to. It’s our bodies and WE get to decide. And I hear ya on those little (or big) fixes too. I’m 49 and last year I got Invisalign braces because my crooked teeth have bugged me since at least my early 20s. And they kept getting worse as I aged! I decided at age 48 that I was worth the money for those braces (not cheap!!!) because heck, I might have 48 more years on this planet and darn it, I want straight teeth. I love my new smile, and even having to wear a retainer at night for the rest of my life doesn’t bug me because I worked for that smile and I’m not going to let it go back to crooked. You do you and keep taking care of yourself! That said, I personally always look at your YouTube videos and think you look gorgeous and wonder how you stay thin and so pretty. 🙂
You NAILED IT! Damned if we do. Damned if we don’t. I think it’s our hearts that matter most. Our strive for beauty, what we see as beautiful, should come from sincerity, not competition or insecurity or a toxic place.
I’m obsessed with straight teeth. LOL I’ve had braces twice.
And good for you. We should never throw in the towel, simply because we aren’t 20. I love that you chose to straighten your teeth and do something within your power to make you feel great.
Thank you for being here.
Seriously in a mid 40’s rut. Needed a serious kick in the tookus. Thanks Angela
Well good. Not that you needed a kick, but I was hoping my vulnerability might encourage someone.
I am 68 and weigh the same that I weighed in high school. Once I was scolded by a woman for working out. She said, You don’t have a stomach.” I replied, “But I have a heart, and it needs fitness.” I remember in my 40’s obsessing over every new wrinkle or gray hair. Now I think about how young and beautiful I was then. And you know what??? I still look good. Do what you need to feel good about yourself. That’s the bottom line.
I LOVE THIS! Thank you for this. This was a very hard post for me to write. I tried to choose my words so carefully and retain my sincere thoughts. I appreciate you.
Laugh if you will but part of my self care and me time is truly, checking in with your Instagram, blog and YouTube channel! Your honesty and candor is so appreciated and are what make you real and relatable. We all need to give ourselves a good talking to every once in awhile; sometimes we can do this on our own and sometimes it takes the words of others to inspire us. (Some of your words in previous posts inspired me to prettify my kitchen before the holidays last year instead of continuing to complain about it, thank you!)
I love the comment above about doing what you need to do to feel better about yourself. I also love the saying, if it costs you your peace it’s too expensive. Both so relatable to this post, thank you!
Megan, THANK you for being here and thanks for telling me that you’re enjoying what I’m putting out there. It’s so fun for me, so that means so very much.
And you’re totally right. Peace is too big a price to pay.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but the media has their own spin on it and it does seriously effect us out here in the real world. Your post is a good one. Be healthy and stay humble all mixed into one as I age typing. The older I’ve gotten the more aware of how fast time flies with a changing point of view. Tis part of being a Christian. Health issues flair up and it changes everything about what we once knew and how to achieve it. Changing faster than wanted. All the best to you dear one. You are beautiful and it shows. Have a pleasant day and God bless,
d on the kansas prairie
Oh my goodness! I can relate so much to this post. I’m in a major rut and not real sure how to get out of it. I’ll be 47 this year and the last 3-4 years have been hard. Lots of physical changes, hormones, and etc. I’ve always been thin but need to lose 10-15 lbs now. And it’s harder to lose weight at this age. My energy levels are lower, so desiring to work out is tough. But I will get there! Thanks for the transparency. I would like to know more about what you do to lose weight.
Oh, Ang, you are just all around lovely and I know I dearly appreciate and love you sharing and trusting your heart with us. I now feel recharged to treat my temple better and appreciate the health I have❤️
Jennifer, thank you. You’re such a dear spirit. Our daughter are sure having fun together! I’m glad you feel recharged. Thank you for all you do to encourage me.
I will turn 60 in 4 months and I finally got rid of the last of my size 2s and 4s which I have not been able to wear for over 10 years! It is freeing! I color my hair like crazy and people tell me they would never guess I am over 50. However, it has been an adjustment! The best part is that being a Christian, I will have my prime to live in eternity. I only have to get old once, so I hope I can do it with grace. I was so afraid to turn 50, but once I did, I was excited that I am getting closer and closer to seeing my Savior face to face forever! I have had a really tough life, but grace and mercy have marked it with great abounding joy! That is the best wardrobe to have, the intangibles.
Do I like to be pretty, you betcha, if the barn needs painting, then, by all means, paint it! But I have had to say I want what the Bible promises more, all this is fleeting, but He remains the same.
Oh my goodness. I wish those were my words. You NAILED IT! ALL of it! Paint the barn and remember, this is all kindling anyways. I LOVE IT! Thank you for being here.
I am thinking what that new hairstyle could look like. Any hints?
I used to be pretty and thin but that was long ago. I am 70 now and have no wrinkles so that is the one good thing, plus, I am still a real strawberry blonde, never colored my hair. I am tempted now to get the deeper color all over, but I also like the blonde highlights and I have been warned not to start coloring now.
Angela, with all that work in the garden, I think you gained muscle and not weight.
Gaining 40 pounds with each of my 7 pregnancies was challenging but 8 miscarriages when my body isn’t sure if I should let go of the weight or not is even worse.
Spending time on gardening, home, homeschool or myself is a daily choice; Lyme disease for 25 years has also been horrible but I will make sensible daily choices to move & eat nourishing foods in sensible quantities.
Your blog, social media & videos are my daily shot-in-the-arm of encouragement. Thanks for all you do.
Let’s talk about hair coloring. I had colored my hair since my mid 20’s. Gray come to me early and I have/had very dark almost black hair. I was so tired of coloring my hair. In order to keep the root in check, I had to color my hair every two to three weeks, so of course I did it myself. The color caused it to be dry and my hair is frizzy without the extra dryness hair color brings. I started thinking of drastic reason to let my hair go natural. One day, before my 52nd Birthday, I just decided. I’m done. I went to my stylist, she highlighted my hair to blend the gray, and I never looked back. When I went back to help if blend more, she was truly surprised that I’d stuck with it. Now, 2 years later, my hair is all natural and healthier than it’s been in a long time. The funny thing is that I get more compliments on my hair than ever before! It’s crazy. I am blessed with good skin, so just a few wrinkles. I say that because I don’t know if the gray makes me look older, but I been through some stuff (haven’t we all) so I wear the gray as a badge of honor. When I’m stressed I love to say “this is why I quite coloring me hair!” I can feel the gray growing! It is nice now to worry about my roots, coloring my hair or getting dye on stuff. Just thought I share. Sorry I rambled on a bit.
Thank you .
Don’t you hate how aging men are called “distinguished,” while women are called “old”? Who made that decision? I’m 48, 2 weeks older than my darling husband, I’m a craddle robber, practically a cougar if you listen to the way he tells it. I tell him that I might be (a whole two weeks) older, but I’ll look years better than he does…and I do, when I color my hair. Speaking of hair, where is mine going? I can see my scalp at my hairline and crown. Is the cold slimy aloe vera I slather on my sparsely follicled scalp even working?? Probably not, but it’s better than the chemical hair growers or surgery (that’s called denial, right?). There’s always a wig to hide my apparent Klingon DNA; thanks dad.
I think the LORD made us to enjoy beauty, to desire it, after all, He is the most beautiful noun (person, place, or thing) around, if we didn’t have the capacity to appreciate beauty, then how would we ever be able to be in awe of Him? Balance is always key, let’s not fall in love with our reflection in the pond. Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder, and thank God for that! Because my husband thinks I’m the most beautiful woman in the world…the same world that has Sophia Loren, Audrey Hepburn, and Paulina Porizkova in it! I’m extremely grateful that love is blind, and dim lighting in the bedroom doesn’t hurt either…ha ha ha. I wish all women would first work on the inner woman, the one that matters the most, and then the outter woman. But many times, getting a new hairstyle, eating better, getting exercise, working in a garden surrounded by nature, or getting that awesome tube of lipstick is what helps bring that inner beauty to the surface. I lipstick!
Wow. Love that comment. “if we didn’t have the capacity to appreciate beauty, then how would we ever be able to be in awe of Him? ” Thank you. What a lovely thought.
Thank you Angela! Appreciate your post so much. We pour so much of ourselves into others – as wives, as mothers, as friends that we forget we need to FILL our souls back up too! And you know what? That happens by taking care of ourselves – our minds, our spirit, our bodies … so YAY for good literature! YAY for makeup and excellent skincare! (I make my own with DoTerra oils, by the by and LOVE my homemade serums.) YAY for a refreshing walk! I’ve been carrying around a TON of weight for a while, but now have a great job where I’m moving ALL day. Looking forward to fitting into my old jeans soon as well!
I love you sharing your feelings and being real! Girl , do those things that you want to… you have a lot of natural beauty . Plus you deserve papering ! Six kids, hard work and dedication- all for your family! Yep- do it girl…
One last thing.. its human nature to compare ourselves with others…
Real beauty comes from within…
I’m 45 and feeling 45! Using Madison Reed myself and sort of wishing I was one of those brave girls who can let their grays grow in and rock that look. But my husband is convinced I’m beautiful (bless him), so I’m not going to stress it. However, I do want to get back on the diet train because I simply felt better when I cut carbs and sugar. Here’s hoping for a second wind for both of us this year!
We all need to take a deep breath. Most of what we stress over are all 1st world problems, including your list of hairstyle/color, facial imperfections. too tight pants, chipped tooth, etc. Not that it’s not important to you because it clearly is, but we need to put these things in perspective. Last night as my husband and I were driving home from our weekly shopping, I commented on the spectacularity of the evening. We’d had a good meal prepared by someone else, shopped in a store that was resplendent with any item we could have wanted, and drove down a long country highway gazing at the gorgeous, full harvest moon. We remarked at how amazing our life is. We are in our 60’s and not even remotely wealthy, however, we recognize that compared with most of the people on the planet, we live like kings. I have a home with running water, indoor plumbing, refrigeration for my food, air conditioning for me! I don’t have to sleep under a mosquito net. I don’t have to build a fire every time I want to boil a pot of water, etc. Is my life perfect? No, but it’s perfectly splendid. I make a conscious decision every day to not major in minors…and most of it is minor.
Oh my goodness! You couldn’t have said it any better! I was going to write my own thing until I read your comment.
Maybe it’s something we “older” women have figured out because I too have just gotten to mid-60s age. 🙂
I just wanted to say how wonderful I think you and your family are. I just recently started watching your you tube channel as it was suggested to me by my wonderful mother in law. I think you are a wonderful inspiration for women all over. Am thinking about trying out some essential oils and would like to inquire about the skin care you spoke of in this article. Thanks, and keep those great videos coming
That’s very kind of you and I’m glad you are here. While my routine changes from time to time the foundation of the products I use to take care of my skin can be found here and there are shopping cart links in the video description if you want to check them out. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBM74cq0dHQ&list=PLenNkUcizWGHgiPwM6R_sNGuS16jG-_bo
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Where did you get that beautiful red striped top? Lovely!
Same question here! I love that top and would love to know who makes it.
I can relate to everything in this post. I turned 47 this October! You’ve said it so well, there’s nothing left for me to say! Keep up the good fight.