Confessions of a Mommaholic

Feb 26, 2009 | On Motherhood | 21 comments

I love my kids, do I even have to say that???  But I do love to be alone.  I love to dive into a project head first and not even stop to eat til it’s done, I love to daydream, garden and sweat.  I love to clean and read – uninterrupted.  But that does not really happen anymore.

Your life changes so  much when you become a mother.  For almost four years I have had a sidekick or two at my side and all the things I loved to do alone have now become a learning experience for my chickens.  
Allow me to remember Paris once again…I am like an old lady that tells the same stories over and over again, I know, but that time in Paris, that four weeks alone before motherhood was the greatest gift from my husband.  Walking those streets at any hour of the day I wanted to, stopping to take a photo whenever I felt like it, Ipod in ears I’d find myself, arms outstretched, worshiping God on an empty little street – alone.
One of my favorite parts was going for a walk at about 10 at night.  Joel and I would talk on the phone and then I would take off, usually choosing Sting for my earphones and I would walk down the river, to the beat…in my own world.  It was incredible.
That is one of the things I miss the most now that I am a mom, even here at home.  Getting out at night.  And not just the fact that we never get to go Tango dancing, or two stepping for that matter but just those walks around the neighborhood, late at night, just cause we felt like it.  Those were magical moments.
Now I find being outside at night and more specifically in town, to be a treasured.  It always feels to exhilarating.  I suppose it’s one of those simple things in life.  It always reminds me of my time in Paris.   It always makes me so grateful for it, even though it has been so long since those wonderful four weeks (5 years ago on March 1st!).
Last night I got that little sliver of wonderful.  Joel had taxes to do and I came up with the genius idea that I should get out of his hair (ha) and walk into town and go to the show.  I scrounged up some dollars from coat pockets here and there and walked down to the theatre.  Breathing the cold, crisp air and savoring all of the 6 minutes it takes to get to the movies.  I was giddy and smiling in my pony tail and unmade up face (truth be told I even left my BRA at home!!!).  I saw Confessions of a Shopaholic.  Me and three other people on a Wednesday night.  It was SO FUNNY!  I must have laughed out loud 7 times!  It was clean, cute and hilarious and unlike most romantic comedies it did not have that 3/4 of the way through lull where you are thinking, “Would someone just put this movie out of it’s misery??”   I really enjoyed it and would see it again in a heartbeat.  The storyline was totally “anti-debt” and “excess” but was a great escape into the world of Prada, Yves St. Laurent and the world of high fashion.  Way too much fun. 
 I came home refreshed and felt a little more connected to the me before motherhood.  It’s good to connect with her now and again and it’s amazing how something as simple as a walk in the dark and a movie about fashion can do that… but as far as my chickens, this morning they’re in the other room playing store and tearing across the floor with a shopping cart that was mine when I was little. 
Could I be happier?  Doubt it.


  1. Old Centennial Farmhouse

    Four weeks in Paris? How absolutely wonderful! I haven’t heard all of you stories, so go ahead and tell them all again!

    I love to have a movie night with a friend now and again, you come home feeling refreshed and rejuvenated somehow! Just a couple hours will do it!

    Thanks for the movie recommendation!

  2. Frippery

    You will have those times again. As an almost empty nester I already have lots of alone time on my hands. I sometimes mourn the “mommy” days but mostly look ahead to new adventures with my husband and the freedom to go where I want when I want. Savor every moment of these days with your chickens as they will fly by. (I know you do savor them.) When they grow up you will have lovely young friends to share long dinner conversations with and relive how it felt being 20 something. The Paris days will come again. Enjoy those chickens,Pam

  3. Shawna

    Thanks for the review on the movie…I’m planning to go see it tomorrow night!

    Yay for a night out without the kids!

  4. Berlin Deluxxe

    Now that my son is a teen, I miss the times he was much more dependant on us 🙁 When the hubby and I go out and he chooses to hang with his friends, we miss his company. I miss all the whining, and running around a little one brings 🙂
    Have you ever seen this blog:
    I think you’ll enjoy it.

  5. REAL ME

    You know, I just started coming to your blog. It is so refreshing. I always feel connected and I am like saying …yeah, I know!! 🙂 I appreciate your honesty of loving to have time for yourself. I love it as well.

  6. Stephanie H.

    Your night sounds like fun. I remember reading that book a long time ago and I would like to see the movie. You will have to fill us in on your time in Paris. I am in awe that you got to spend 4 weeks there!

    I got to go for the first time ever in October and I fell in love. My favorite times were when I could be on my own and explore the city with wide eyed wonder all by myself. I absolutely ache to go back there!

  7. Faith

    Great post. Very relatable. I’m looking forward to seeing that movie with two of my girlfriends Saturday night.

  8. Joannah

    You’ve got the best of both worlds – Paris in your memory and your chickens in your arms.

  9. Mrs. G

    I’m with ‘Old Centennial Farmhouse’ I didn’t know you spent 4 weeks in fabulous Paris and would love to hear your stories. I spent 5 days there years ago and fell in love with all of its beauty.
    Might just have to slip away and see the movie too…..I remember how sweet my little ones seemed after a few hours away from them too.

  10. Jen - Balancing beauty and bedlam

    I heard that movie was hilarious. If you’re confirming it -I am in. Loved this post, and yes, there is some fun to get back to our pre-kids for a few hours, and then jump back to our blessings. 🙂

  11. cityfarmer

    What a claim …to have the show just a few block from home
    …walk along the gazebo path …SMELL the river… stop for a wine tasting on a mid-summer nights’ dreamnight-out …

    I only wish all of your readers could get a first hand glimpse of your small town American village….oh and lest we forget, the neighbors, the gardens and old shutters and porches along the way.

    happy to have walked this walk with you and the chickens many times.

    How ingenious of our God to enrich our lives with fond memories, even Parisienne memories.

  12. Sunny

    I almost can’t remember who I was before children. Being a mom kind of went hand in hand with growing up so I sometimes feel like I missed something. I have no regrets at the same time, and can’t imagine how empty life would be without my kiddies.

  13. Victoria

    This is very well written, really painting a picture. I can smell the seine and the Paris fog at night. Oui, I’d like to get back to my life before… well… wherever I am now. I miss the old me.

    ps. my word verification for this was “nests.”

  14. Victoria

    P.S. (again)

    Look for an upcoming post from me, “Have vogue, will travel” for your spring fashion fix!

  15. Cathy

    Great post! Glad you were able to steal a hours away and enjoy the movie.


  16. Jen r.

    Oh, I miss reading for hours uninterrupted! I know some day those will come back, but I will miss the kids being grown! we can’t win! 🙂 Jen

  17. Anne Marie

    How great! What a blessing to be able to walk to the show with your friends…..
    so glad you got out- you deserve it

  18. Dawn-Hydrangea Home

    Sounds like an amazing trip! My daughter dreams of going to Paris. I just posted about it and the yummy French Macarons we just enjoyed. Love your blog!

  19. English Cottage in Georgia

    Love the post…appreciation and joy of being a Mom, yet reflections of a “spur of the moment” lifestyle restricted my money – collected money from the coats’ pockets. TOO Funny, TOO True.

  20. Castles Crowns and Cottages

    Hello Parisienne Farmgirl!

    Iam so blessed; Iam sitting here, about 4:45am ready to drive off to work and I wish that I could just blog all morning! It is so fun to meet you. Yes, your momma is a charm and I a really blessed to have met her and now you through this marvelous world of blogging. Yes, your mom’s personality comes through to me in her writing and to think that both of your are believers and Francophiles!! I am so glad. There is so much to say…first of all, I am flattered that you would want me to come over to spend a French weekend! I WOULD LOVE TO but I am currently in a masters program that is taking up my weekends with ridiculously difficult and long assignments that I need to do on the weekends. Where do you all live? I told your mom that I live in Minneapolis. I see on your blog that you are in Illinois…your mom too? Well how about this: could we possibly look at a summer weekend visit? I really would love it! I must go know, but we have much to discuss! I will email you and CC your mom as well. Donc, à bientôt et c’est un grand plaisir de faire votre connaissance! Anita

  21. Tracie~MyPetiteMaison

    You’ll be there at those alone times again and think what happened to the time. I’ve always loved my alone time even when my daughter was growing up, so my husband and I each had a special night with her but now she wants to be with her friends and I’m waiting for the time that she wants to spend more time with us. I think it’s all about savoring each moment you have be it alone or with ones you love. I loved your post and a walk to our small town theatre may just be in the cards at the end of the week. We’ve only had nine days at a time each visit to France, I so envy your 4 weeks!


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