Well, I am back. And after four days of being surrounded by people this morning’s solitude was welcome. I just don’t recall the last time I had so much fun…or maybe I do. It seems that in the last 6 months our family is getting tighter than ever. Boy, have we paid our dues. That chapter of “family meetings” in rooms with closed doors, random depressions, divorces and crap that is hard to avoid in life seems to be further and further away in the rear-view mirror. Aunt Ruth’s on vacation, NicToria is about the cutest thing I have ever seen, Jen’s in the same state as Tony, Mom’s store is sub-letted, and it’s 88 degrees…Hallelujah!!!
And I am back. Back to my garden and the chaos of urban sprawl that smacks me in the face every time I return from the farm. I became really nauseated on the way home last night. It was dark and quiet, holding hands with my husband as our truck cruised down the road with babes asleep in the back but my thoughts were not my own…Hooters, Empress Casino, Adult Bookstores, Donald Trump, Low interest rate loans and Bikini clad, silicone injected models screamed at me through their neon lit billboards just about the entire way home.
I am really tired of being told what to think by the DEVIL! That may sound extreme but besides the “Just give me Jesus” billboard every single thing I read was a lie. It was depressing enough with the Holy Spirit, I can’t imagine how it feels for the millions of people who pass those billboards without the hope of Christ every day. I was burdened. More for myself than others this time. It pushed me to think. What if I was bombarded with messages from Christ all day long? What if I LET myself me bombarded with messages from Christ all day long?
I get so self righteous…”Oh, I don’t watch hardly any television…” for example as if that makes me exempt from the crap that the world is trying to shove down my throat. True, I still don’t think I open my mouth as often as most but how many times a day am I opening my heart to God? In trying to eliminate the bad input , have I gotten so preoccupied with ME, MYSELF, and I that I am eliminating ANY input? Yes, yes, and yes. Just that the thought crossed my mind is evidence enough of God trying to tell me something.
Every day my Grandparents expose themselves to God’s billboards. Their Bibles are worn and sunfaded, they are grafftied with thoughts and insights in their own handwriting. I always say I want to be like them. This morning, I poured my coffee and grabbed my Bible like I have done a thousand times but as cliche as it sounds it was different for me this morning. And that is a good thing. Input. I realized on 80/94 last night that it is just not about eliminating the bad but it is about bombarding with the good.
God forbid that someday when I am gone and my children are “fighting” over my Bibles that they find them in perfect condition, with no notes or notations of prayers prayed and answered. God forbid my Bibles get put on a shelf, thinking that that is what I would want. No way. I will say it again NO WAY! I pray that the faithfulness to God of my Grandparents will go on and on and on. That with gentleness they will turn each fragile page remembering me on the couch with my coffee each morning just like I will remember Lloyd and Thelma.
So I am back. Back to urban sprawl and strip clubs and strip malls but I am back on my couch with my Lord and very anxious to see what is input does in my life.