Last night the fat Princess woke up about 2:30 a.m.  I laid in bed blinded by the glow of the video baby monitor trying to go back to sleep and wishing she would do the same but as my eyes began to focus on the screen I could not see her.  She was now standing and her crying was getting louder.  I inched away from Aidan who had apparently joined us while we were sleeping.  His little stinky sleeping breath brings me such joy.  My feet hit the freezing wood floors (our room is over the garage) and I frantically felt around on the floor for the socks I had peeled off hours before once I had finally gotten warm.   


 Perhaps she had had a bad dream or something because by the time I made it to her room she was pretty upset but we nursed and rocked for a few minutes without incident.  At least I thought it was without incident.  She did bear down as if she was going to “toot” but she didn’t, normally I might have thought she had pooped but there was no stink and quite frankly my hand was on her butt while we rocked and I felt NO vibrations!!  So, I thought there was no incident.
I made it back to my bed, snuggled up to Aidan and passed out only to be awoken again about an hour and a half later.  This time I kicked Joel, it was “his turn”  Amélie was VERY upset and he has a calming, Daddy mo-jo that he can work on her.  It worked for awhile but then so she was at it again so my feet, this time still socked hit the floor and I was off to the rescue.  Tired and irritated.  She is 13 months old and 3 times in two hours is pretty ridiculous.
I picked her up and could instantly feel a load in her bum and then I remembered the bearing down while we were nursing a few hours earlier.  My poor baby had been trying to sleep with a load of poop!  So we made it to her changing area (in her closet) and I got her all underdressed only to see in my sleepy stupor that we were dealing with a doozy!  I glanced around for wipes (which we only use sometimes on account of the chemicals) but there was none, most of the time there is a damp wash cloth laying around, again – -NADA.  
So there we were, me freezing and tired and Amélie sprawled out, legs in the air and poop EVERYWHERE!  What was I going to do?  Pack her back up?  No, I did what I had to, I took off my shirt and proceeded to get her cleaned up enough with it to carry her out to the linen closet for a wash cloth.  She was looking at me like I was crazy as I cleaned poop out of every nook and cranny (and if you hadn’t noticed, girlfriend is a big girl and there are lots of nooks and crannies!).  And I noticed she was really eyeballing Lucy and Ethel.  I threw my poop shirt down into the garbage can ready to take care of it in the morning and carried LeeLee out to the linen closet where I felt around for a wash cloth.  NADA.  I’m thinking, “COME ON!”  I know there is 2.5 loads of laundry on the guest bed but this is ridiculous!  No washcloths????  So, next we’re off to the guest room where the vent is closed, it’s got to be 57 degrees in there and I am rumaging around in the laundry pile for a wash cloth, teeth chattering…voila….now to the bathroom.  It takes the warm water a good three minutes to come out of our upstairs sink and by now my poor girl is really getting desperate.  She’s salivating over the free Lucy and Ethel with that “I want those” look in her eye and she begins, as I am running the water impatiently, she begins to bend over and contort herself ’til she can reach one of the objects of her affection!  She’s not taking no for an answer.  So here I am, 4:30 in the morning, in a freezing bathroom, waiting for hot water with my daughter twisted up and over like a pretzel, dried poop all over her butt, nursing.  Great.
I try yanking the thing out of her mouth to at least walk back down the hall.  Not happening.  She’s not letting go.   Somehow we made it back to the changing area and I convinced her to put her snack on hold so I could at least clean her up properly and get a fresh nappy on her.  She was thrilled once the entire ordeal was over but not as much as I was.  I indulged her, this time in a proper position and made it back to bed where I laid awake ’til about 5:15!
Motherhood is crazy.  Nothing is sacred, your body is not your own whether you are a human jungle gym or feeling like a holstein at 4 a.m.  I’m not complaining, I know these are precious times, I wouldn’t trade it but I really could use a nap!