Hide nor Hair.

Disclaimer (don’t you love it when my post start like that?)
This is not my normal fari… but it is normal “me” – just ask my Mom and sisters.
Pretend you and I are true friends and we are snuggled up on my couch with our kids long tucked in… yucking in up.  

We’ve all done it-

*Stared at our toes an hour before our pedicure wondering, “Should I trim those things, or at the very least… dig out the lint???”

*The morning of our hair cut, wondered if we should actually bother to wash the workout sweat out before our stylist runs their fingers thru it and says, “So what are we going to do today?”

*Shuddered to think of hiring a housekeeper because then we would actually have to clean up before she came over once a week.  I mean, how could you ask another woman to clean up your hubby’s curly ques from under the toilet seat???

And the worst of them all —-
The morning of the Pap, wondering… how much is too much in the… ugh… “personal grooming”…ahem, department.

Yeah, pick yourself up off the floor, that’s what we are talking about today.  

It is truly the worst. 

You can’t bust out the clippers the morning of —  I mean, you can’t really go in there looking like, “I did this for you.” but you can’t go in there looking like Sasquatch either, can you?

Where is the line?   Especially in the Midwest where we get to cover up 6 months of the year, it’s easy to leave the hair removal wax on the shelf and the scissors in the drawer if you know what I mean.  It’s easy to catch a glimpse in the mirror one day and think, “Good gravy!  What is that???”  and realize that things will have to change before you accept that invite to your friends pool.

I remember before I ever got pregnant, a friend of mine telling me that when you are “great with child” you can’t see “your unit” (as she called it) any more.  
I was horrified!
But not long after did I learn she was right and as my belly got bigger, one day I called Joel in for a lesson in wax strips – “Look, I said, I am going to have your baby and you are going to learn to wax my bikini – there is no way I am going to be naked in front of the doctor, nurse and my Mom looking like some sort of sex-ed chapter out of a 1972 school text book.”

He’s a good man.

And I have since figured out how to maneuver to do it myself and I am proud to say I going into labor looking… well kept.

I know you know which text book I am talking about – 
I can still see those black and white pictures of someone who looked like they were from the set of Love Story” giving birth.  It was frightening —- like girlfriend!  It’s called a hedge trimmer!

“Love means never having to say your sorry going au natural?”
I think not.

So, what‘s a girl to do?  As if the whole process wasn’t bad enough – I mean, anytime you‘re not wearing a cowboy hat but the word stirrups” are involved…
 -Shudder-
 It’s bad enough trying to decide to leave your socks on or not – but I know I am not the only girl who has woke up the morning of the annual exam and realized her dilemma.  

Tell me I am not the only one!





Comments

  1. says

    You crack.me.up! But, YES!! My hubby thinks it is rather odd that I jump in the shower to shave my legs when my labour starts (all three times so far, that’s the first thing I did). And he too was man enough to help me, ahem, groom, when “his” baby got too big for me to see around ;-) That’s real love from a real man right there.

  2. says

    Hehe, you are not the only one. And you put it so eloquently. Love it!! Someone has got to develop a lotion that just takes it all all away. That would be wonderful. I so enjoy your blog. Liz

  3. says

    I still can’t see my “unit” as after twins and two huge babies and a severe back problem as a result of all those bubs I am carrying at leat 30kgs too much extra weight and still look pregnant-I hate It! not being well kept as you say! Recently had a serious dilemma in the personal region and had to go to ER late one night with all sorts of people looking “down there” but as it was an emergency there was no time for a quick fix up! Argghh how embarrasing x C

  4. says

    you crack me up. hoestly? i didn’t worry about it too much. a blind run over the line and that was that. i mean, come on, it’s not exactly the most classy anyhow, so why stress to make it moreso. but, if we were sitting on yoru couch talking, i’d ask you what the H is up with that season finale on downton?! i’m scarred for life.

  5. says

    Oh dear God, you just got my Friday off to the best start ever!!!!!!! I have not laughed so hard and you are so right on target!!!!! As if we as women don’t have enough to worry about during everyday life, pregnancies and everything else, but to have to worry about that also!!!! Your honesty, openess and realness is just the best. Love you so much and am so glad you invited us to snuggle up with you as friends and talk about the dilemas of being a woman. Have a wonderful day my friend.
    xx
    Debbie

  6. says

    Your back! And better then ever! Yay!
    I all but spit coffee across the room! Why can’t I live on the farm next door!?
    we would take over the world!
    Thank you for keeping it real!

  7. says

    I almost can’t believe you wrote this, however, it was oh so funny and TRUE!!! A hand-held mirror, honey, does wonders in the grooming department. I always do it at about 8 months since I have my babies early and I don’t want it to look like it JUST HAPPENED, and then there’s wondering if the midwives and other birth attendants (my friends!) are wondering…I’ve had eight babies, and didn’t even think about this till baby number four. I shudder to think. You crack me up. Glad you are back!

  8. says

    I went to the “as__ dr” for a “consult” last week that turned into an exam. After disrobing, I told him if I knew I was going to be doing this, I’d have shaved my legs. He said “don’t worry, I didn’t shave mine!”…..gotta love it!!

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