Alive and Kicking.

First,
You girls that have emailed, “concerned” cause I haven’t been around – WOW.  Those emails came thru on days when I really needed them.

I want to explain.  BUT, I don’t mean to make a big fuss.  Look, I know everyone has a story.  Everyone’s life has really shitty, difficult aspects.  (Pardon my French).  People are frying much bigger fish than I am but if anything I share can encourage anyone… well… so be it.

If I was going to talk about a chapter of life, I would say the last five years have progressively gotten more difficult and more difficult.  Thankfully ebbing and flowing but increasing in stress none-the-less. 

That was about the time I had my second baby and our successful painting/faux finishing business went down la toilette.  If I go back and re-read the posts from back then – woosh – it takes me back to that terrified, how are we going to pay the bills feeling.  But, we trimmed back… muddled thru.  And sent our resume after resume to no avail.

Then two years later the call for the current job came thru.  Dreadful pay, but we took it, so there would be SOMETHING coming in.  Remember (as many of you know) when you are self employed, there is no “unemployment”  you are just – on your own. 

Three months later we had another baby.

Now, you may not have any sympathy (and I don’t care) you may (as some have), criticize our desire to grow our family without the income we were used to.  Well, here is the thing.  We made the decision that we did not want to be in our 60’s some day – looking back ay this stinking economy and saying “We let MONEY keep us from having the family we wanted???”  We just thought that would be more horrible than suffering thru budgets and shoestrings.

Than 20 months later we had another baby.  Our “last”.  And we finally started to wake up about a few things. 

#1 – We loved our neighborhood but were sick of living in town.  We had the itch for space.

#2 – Reality check – 4 children on one very blue collar income in the suburbs of Chicago was not going to work.  We had mulled it over for years, always thinking we could figure it out… but when you have made every other cut you can…. The historic house on the corner lot with the home equity loan and the taxes that would make you fall over if I told you what they were… well… that life… with the life we had chosen (IE: our children), that life wasn’t for us.

Reality sucks.

So we put the house up for sale.

Now thru all this time – obviously – COUNTLESS JOYS – but if you read between the lines – you know the deal – the stressful conversations about money – the temptation to look at your friends and wonder why they “have it so easy” – the tears and confusion over leaving the house that I had “created” from the stones in the potager to the hand painted tile.  Depression would peep it’s head in… last summer was bad – panic attacks, chest pains!

 (I want to interject that when I gripe to you or even my friends about money, I am not talking about being malcontent, I am talking about real, financial stress, the kind that wares on you… there are a lot of lovely things in life that I am very comfortable with never having.  Yes, I love beautiful things and have expensive tastes but I don’t recall a time I ever found myself whining about not being able to have them.  I am very laid back about that kind of stuff — I always joke, “I wouldn’t drive an Escalade if I could.”  Ok, it’s an inside joke… never mind.) 

BUT ME??  Panic attacks and chest pains???

And the winters – they seemed to get worse and worse.

Case in point–
-The move was more stressful than I EVER could have imagined.  EVER.  Then to find myself pregnant the next morning!

-The sale on our house fell thru (the house we are selling for practically the price of a Birken Bag) — say au revoir profit margin.  My dear, hard working husband is paying double everything – all those stupid utilies so the damn pipes don’t freeze — like flushing money down a toilet.

-I am having a hard time with the old house.  We still have crap in the basement and garage.  We still have to run over there for things now and then til we have the time and help to finish it and it about kills me every time.  I haven’t actually spoken to my neighbors since fall and I feel like we are the scourge of the neighborhood.  The house looks abandoned and we never wanted that for the neighborhood.  It’s not our fault the sale took forever and then fell thru.   Our agent is working with the buyer to try to “put it back together” but in the meantime I just can’t go there anymore.  The pine tree that I LOVE so dearly cracked in half during a wind storm and so on Hoolie’s birthday we had to lock the four kids in the empty house and use a rented chain saw to cut it up and stack it in the front yard.  THAT SUCKED!  I just need to be DONE with that house – it’s torture thinking that our old neighbors think we “walked” when we didn’t (We didn’t even get to say goodbye to anyone and that broke my heart)  and it’s torture pulling in that driveway feeling like I am home.  I love this farm.  I don’t regret being here one bit.  But I can’t go back in time by pulling in that drive – I can’t do it anymore.

-Praise the Lord this first trimester has actually been easier than the other four – but that is hard to remember when you are puking once a day instead of 12 times a day.  And tired…  the fatigue with the little ones to school and care for!   OH MY GOSH — people, get married and pregnant when you are YOUNG and horny and full of energy!!!  

-Last month I had this “scare” – first not hearing the baby heartbeat – that was only two hours but there was another health issue that really freaked me out.  I’m good — gonna keep an eye on it but THANKFULLY nothing that will hurt my baby.  But boy, that freaked me out.  Just thinking about my babies needing a healthy Momma was too much.

-Hubbies hours have been cut all over the place – making things like filling the gas tank just to go to church — not fun.

-And to top it off — This last month – well, winter finally got to me.  Like it never has before.  I hate winter and every year I get a little funky come January but this time got a little scary…. lot’s of crying… lot’s of “fetal position” moments.  I’ve just been so sad.  I don’t know, after this lease is done… as much as I want to move up to Door County some day… I don’t know if after this winter and how it got to me, if I can do this climate the rest of my life.  It really freaked me out.

Looking Up–
It’s horrid and NINE DEGREES out now, but thankfully we have had a little sun here and there that has helped my spirits lift, I am into my second trimester and suddenly not near as sick feeling (though my tailbone constantly feels like it’s cracked) — the seeds and grow lights will be here any day and the garden is going to be OUT OF THIS WORLD… for a rental that is :), we have found a new church (ours split a few years back) that hubby and kids LOVE, and though money is tighter than it has ever, ever been – I feel worlds better than I did ever three weeks ago.

I don’t know what I am writing all this. 
I have said WAY TO MUCH I am sure.
Like I said, I’ve got friends that have dealt with life a hundred times harder than this — but I guess I just want to affirm any housewives out there – and tell you that it is OK if the penny pinching and stressing it out has finally gotten to you.    I want to tell anyone who is feeling abnormaly sad this winter - YOU’RE NORMAL (I thought I was going crazy).  I want to tell anyone who feels like all their families dreams have been trashed by this economy… you know what girl?  We just have to make new dreams!  We have to keep fighting.  Keep loving and supporting our husbands.  We have to praise God.  Lord knows that is when I get into the most trouble – when I go for too long without praising God.  It’s hard to praise when you are so pissed off and sad – I know, I know.

Yes, reality sucks.  (I mean, you should see the lack of sunshine on the ten day!!!!  Sigh.)
But life is wonderful.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your concern.
I will come back to regular blogging real, real soon.
Much love,
Angela

Comments

  1. says

    Strange days we live in. I don’t know you.. I live across the country… but I have been worried about you. It is so easy to feel alone with our battles but you must know you are not alone…your just brave enough to share! I’m proud of all the hard work you do and your courage to stand up for what you believe in. You are a rock star Miss Angela….keep on truckin’

  2. says

    Angela…you are what I want to be when I grow up. I swear- even with the truck loads of crap rolling down your street the last few years…you seem to handle it with style and finesse. I have been worried about you and was so happy to you post… am feeling worried myself…can’t agree with you anymore about how this economy SUCKS! You just keep on trucking momma…I’m so proud of you and your hard work.

  3. says

    Glad to know you’re good – relatively speaking of course. Such an incredibly precious time in your life with hubby and the babes – the sucky things won’t seem so bad years from now. But that doesn’t help now, I know! I wish you much grace to weather the tough times. I’m in the suburbs of Chicago too and I think all the mild weather this year has made these cold spurts so much more difficult! Stay warm!

  4. says

    Hi Angela,
    I’m a long-time reader but very infrequent commenter. Just wanted to say…. THANK YOU. It is a RELIEF to read someone’s blog that is willing to put themselves out there and admit life isn’t always an amazing craft project or fabulous party. Life is hard and I have been right where you are (not 4 kids but very difficult financial stress, tons of physical manifestations of the stress, depression, anxiety, etc) and I know exactly what you mean. Kudos to you for staying positive, continuing to homeschool your kids where some might say forget it and go back to work. You are doing a mother’s work and it is often overlooked, taken for granted, and not stressed enough in today’s crazy world. Hope you are feeling better soon and please hang in there, things will get better. Much love to you and your beautiful family. xoxo
    Kari
    reeseandmarie.blogspot.com

  5. says

    Oh Angela, I will be praying for you and your family. Life has thrown us some major curve balls too (like being pregnant on my own in a city where I had pretty much no one while G was in Iraq), but I desperately try to remind myself that it is His plan, not my own.

    We’re in an odd, overwhelming time right now, and I just keep repeating that. That God has a plan for our life, and I need to be patient and calm the hell down. And remind yourself constantly: Your life is worth more than the number in your bank account. That house will sell and you will breathe. :)

  6. says

    The sun will shine again soon and warm your soul…

    …and you are a warrior for surviving the unrelenting misery that is Hyperemesis…

    …from a kindred spirit who completely understands.

    May God bless you above and beyond all you could ask or think.

  7. says

    Thank you soooo much for this post. You are right that most people have a story and some need to hear yours, misery does love company. It just helps to know that you aren’t the only one and to hear when someone figures the way out and receives their huge blessing from God. I lived through mine and somehow God has turned it all into something good. The only difference is that we do have sunshine and no snow in Florida. Maybe you should come on down.

  8. says

    This was wonderful heartfelt post Angela, and yet I know how hard this must be for you. My hubby is self employed too and it’s hard to get people to relate to you when it comes to that. I get it. I can’t imagine all the stress over the house and having to pay double. So sorry friend. God is our Rock and our Refuge, I am thankful that you know Him. I now know specifically what to pray for and just putting it out there…we’re much warmer in CA. :)

  9. says

    Thank you for your honesty. Especially as Christian women, we try to put on the happy face that says we are doing good when really we hang on by a thread. Your encouragement in allowing others to feel normal is a gift. I believe when we are honest with reality we truly allow God to enter the situation. More women need to be free to not be “perfect” and sometimes our perfection is waking everyday and surviving until the next……I pray the light of the Son continues to warm you and that spring gets here in a hurry=)

  10. says

    Thank you for your honesty. Especially as Christian women, we try to put on the happy face that says we are doing good when really we hang on by a thread. Your encouragement in allowing others to feel normal is a gift. I believe when we are honest with reality we truly allow God to enter the situation. More women need to be free to not be “perfect” and sometimes our perfection is waking everyday and surviving until the next……I pray the light of the Son continues to warm you and that spring gets here in a hurry=)

  11. says

    Thank you for your honesty. Especially as Christian women, we try to put on the happy face that says we are doing good when really we hang on by a thread. Your encouragement in allowing others to feel normal is a gift. I believe when we are honest with reality we truly allow God to enter the situation. More women need to be free to not be “perfect” and sometimes our perfection is waking everyday and surviving until the next……I pray the light of the Son continues to warm you and that spring gets here in a hurry=)

  12. says

    Thank you for sharing Angela. I’m so sorry you are going through this. You are not alone on any front…financial, emotional. There are many of us right along side you having similar struggles. I’ve had difficulty with the winter time…the cold, lack of light my entire adult life. I moved to NC 5 years ago and it has helped though at the moment it’s cold here too.
    In the end God is faithful even when my bank balance is not. I will continue to pray for you and your lovely family. We will all hold each other up!
    Hugs,
    Mary Beth

  13. says

    So sorry for all your troubles. I understand..my husbands family business since 1921 is on its last lag, my heart breaks everyday for my husband. But your right, you do not want to look back and wonder why you did not have the family you wanted. You have alot of blessings!

  14. says

    Bless your heart! I’m sure many will relate to this post, as I do. My husband was laid off the first of Feb. were still waiting for unemployment to kick in and my part time job doesn’t cover much but he just got a job on Monday, less pay but it’s work! Like you said, someone, somewhere is worse off than us. I’m so grateful for God’s grace and support! It was so good to hear from you, been thinking about you and praying life gets easier for us all!

  15. says

    Angela,

    You are not alone. Sometimes life is a big load of crap! The hormones aren’t helping your situation, that’s for sure. It’s hard to take solice in the fact that God didn’t promise us cupcakes and baloons…I like cupcakes!!!! Just know that He does let us have a cookie every day, we just have to look for them. Look around at your beautiful babies and see a plate full of yummy cookies. Hang in there and God bless!

  16. says

    Wow. Love and prayers to you.
    Thank you for sharing a not so pretty time. It is nice to see all of the beautiful pictures and posts that you have (which is why I subscribe) but it is also very comforting to know that life is not always perfect but we can still hold out for the hope that it will get better and to be grateful for the many blessings we currently have. It is sometimes difficult to be grateful when you are going through hard times but there truly is much to be thankful for in life. Before you know it….. you will be posting a picture of a beautiful newborn, a fertile garden that Martha Stewart would be jealous of and a figure that doesn’t appear to have given birth. And I will be totally JEALOUS! But for now I will share your grief. Keep smiling.
    Lisa

  17. says

    My heart goes out to you! That is alot for any one person to bear! My husband and I had alot of financial problems due to his salary dropping to 1/8th of what he used to make. We had to sell our house, which was a short sale, then we rented a town house and found out after 2 years they were losing it, so we moved to a rental and then 3 yrs. later we were able to buy a new house again!! My husband has a really good job now and we are loving our new house! Please hang in there, everything will work out and I know that is not what you want to hear right now but it will. HUGS to you my friend!!

  18. says

    I can relate to almost every single thing you revealed in this post. Thank you for bravely sharing and for your authenticity. You are on a hard path right now and I admire you for following faith and your heart. I will pray that you will get the support and strength that you need to keep on and to create the home that you dream of despite any of those circumstances that are so much out of our control—but in God’s hands. Take care of yourself. Very best to you. xx Cat

  19. says

    Such a heartfelt post. I wish I could reach inside the computer, hug you tight, then come over and play with your kids while you get out for a bit. But you would probably freeze if you left your house. All I can say is bless your heart.

  20. says

    Wow I am really glad your back and ok!!! Well I am not good with words but it is no ones business if you have two or ten kids. God will always be there for you and make things work. So you do not have all the money in the world?? If you think about it we really do not need a ton to be happy and to raise healthy kids.
    I know when we kept having kids that the world thought was not normally was really sad as some people just felt the need to tell me where babies came from.
    We also are having such cold weather and to much snow and I am sooo looking for ward to spring and to get out side and the kids need to get out to.
    Have a wonderful day!!! Praying you feel good and that the sunshine will come out!!!

  21. says

    Oh, Ang…I hate that you’re dealing with all of this. I’m sure pregnancy hormones aren’t helping. But, I want to thank you for your transparency. Your blog is truly the one I look most forward to reading. You never fail to inspire me – whether its through your cooking, gardening, decorating or child rearing – you’ve been a big inspiration. Not to mention how many times I’ve wondered how you do it all – especially with running a blog and the magazine (I know – suspended). Anyway, although I hate the stress you’re under, your honesty about what you’re dealing with is refreshing. It makes me realize I’m normal. Trying to keep up with everything can be overwhelming. And, I totally get the winter stuff. I live in IN and have been so thankful for more sunshine than we had last winter. Grey day after grey day can really suck the life out of a person.

    Know that there are a lot of people who are rooting for you and miss you when you’re not around (the blogoshpere). Take it easy, take care of yourself and know that you’ll be in my prayers.

  22. says

    Dear Angela:

    It takes courage to open your life and heart to people you don’t know. I admire that because I don’t have that kind of courage. You’re right when you say others may have larger woes, but we all know that is relative to what we are going through every day. In my opinion, you and your husband are the ingredients that make this country great…..strength inspite of despair…..the knowledge that hard work and faith will be repaid….and ultimately victory over defeat.
    May your belief in yourselves continue and strengthen your resolve….and….may this sharing be inspiring to others. Looking forward to hearing from you again.

    Angela Muller

  23. says

    Oh my, we have so much in common. The painting business crumbling, the move, remodel, double payments on two houses, babies, babies, babies, homeschooling, health problems, income slashed by 80%, yes . . . many fetal position days. “Where are you, Jesus?” moments.

    That was three years ago, it is slowly getting better. I trust that God is using all this for good in my children’s lives.

    If we were neighbors, I would bring you dinners and tea and gas cards and let your kids come play with mine. . . . You are not alone, even if all I can do is pray for you.

    You didn’t ask my advice, but I will give it anyway.:)
    Do not even think about homeschooling right now, it is not realistic, play catch up this summer. The kids love school outside in the sun.

    And if there is any way you can rent your house with a property manager, that will help a lot.

    I will praying for you every day! God loves you so much and I know, He is so proud of you. Thank you for inspiring me to love my babies and not give up on life!

  24. says

    You are so awesome! In cyber-world, it seems like everyone is so perfect and things are so easy, so thanks for sharing. I love honest people! This winter has been rough for us too, with the drought here (our business depends on ranchers having cattle and they are just about all gone out of NM), and then we have been sick all winter. The worry of sick children really freaks me out sometimes. I have never in my life had so much trouble getting off the couch and getting busy. I also totally get what you are saying about having babies when you are young and energetic! Can you relax? I love those home school moms that have messy and ugly houses, but are super relaxed and it doesn’t bother them. I wish I could be like that, but I am not genetically wired that way, I don’t think you are either :) but wouldn’t it be nice? I know your troubles are more than that, but anyway, these are some odd times we live in. Everything costs so much. Hope your old house gets sold real soon! How much stress can a person take? You are much appreciated, take care of yourself!

  25. says

    Miss you lady! Trust me your not alone!
    I am so completely in awe of your energy and commitment to your dreams of family and farm!
    This to shall pass….really? When sheesh enough! All we can do is put our feet on ground as we get out of bed and make the best of being alive,healthy ( and glowing with pregnancy in your case)
    Remember your supported by all of us too! We praise you and strengthen you as well.
    Now get back to daily post that are short if wanted but find your joy with sharing and receiving praise!

  26. says

    Dear Angela
    It does get better in time! I have four children and went through a lot of crisis with my husband losing a good job…we had a house, a car, and ended up losing everything. I was so stressed I could literally run my fingers through my hair and feel the clumps falling out. I thought it was the worst time in my life. Our church had split and you couldn’t find comfort with all bickering going on. I felt that even God had neglected me…but that was not the case at all! The Lord was closing a door and preparing a new one for me to go through. We moved South, we left family and then began the journey of rebuilding. In two years we had a brand new car, house, and my husband worked at a job that was able to sustain us. This took over twenty years but God was and is faithful! He is retired and I am a grandma of going on five next month. This story may sound as if it was easy but no! It is a process called life. I lived with guilt because we were homless for two months and had to live with friends to save for an apartment. But Jesus never left nor had He forsaken us. He took us through this process not to humiliate us but to encourage those who go through hardships. This shall pass and your family will continue thriving. I pray this mini testimony helps. God Bless you and your beautiful family.
    Leslie

  27. says

    Dear Angela
    It does get better in time! I have four children and went through a lot of crisis with my husband losing a good job…we had a house, a car, and ended up losing everything. I was so stressed I could literally run my fingers through my hair and feel the clumps falling out. I thought it was the worst time in my life. Our church had split and you couldn’t find comfort with all bickering going on. I felt that even God had neglected me…but that was not the case at all! The Lord was closing a door and preparing a new one for me to go through. We moved South, we left family and then began the journey of rebuilding. In two years we had a brand new car, house, and my husband worked at a job that was able to sustain us. This took over twenty years but God was and is faithful! He is retired and I am a grandma of going on five next month. This story may sound as if it was easy but no! It is a process called life. I lived with guilt because we were homless for two months and had to live with friends to save for an apartment. But Jesus never left nor had He forsaken us. He took us through this process not to humiliate us but to encourage those who go through hardships. This shall pass and your family will continue thriving. I pray this mini testimony helps. God Bless you and your beautiful family.
    Leslie

  28. says

    Angela,
    Thank you for your honest & brave post; your readers admire you! Yes, we all have our own worries and there are others who may be worse off, but that doesn’t make the hard times any less REAL!

    I’m adding your house sale to my prayer list. God is faithful!

    “As you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God.” Isaiah 43:2-3.

  29. says

    Aw, sweet pea, I know no one knows exactly how you feel, but we all can commiserate. We are going through a bankruptcy. Not one of those, ooopsie poopsie, we have too much credit card debts from all our frivolous spending, but one of those, gee, let’s take a job as missionaries with a group home, get ourselves fired for not being “Baptist” enough, then lose the house when we are unemployed. Yes, one of those! It’s embarrassing and frustrating: here we are, in our 30s and 40s, college educated, and working entry level jobs. Yes, we struggle putting gas in the car to get to church, too. We spend inordinate amounts of time logging on to our bank account, hoping against hope that our rent check goes through on the 7th and not the 5th, pleeze baby jesus! Anyway, hang in there. You WILL look back on this time with … something?! Laughter? Fondness? A wee bit of cringing? Your days in the sun are coming – promise.

  30. says

    Oh, Angela – HUGE, HUGE hugs your way!! Yes, I know EXACTLY what you’re going thru. We lost a house to foreclosure a few years ago while my husband was unemployed for almost 3 years, and what really sucks is that it is NEXT DOOR to the house we live in now (long story). I know exactly what you mean about needing to be done with the old house. It is hard seeing someone else there.

    I am so sorry you are going thru this. It does get to you, and anyone who denies that is a liar. And it is okay. We did the same thing – kept me at home, still homeschooling, when everyone is yelling at me to GET A JOB, but it’s none of their business & not worth it.

    How I wish I could fix it for you!! Hang in there girl!

  31. says

    Totally wow!!
    I was just thinking of you yesterday. Noting that i hadn’t seen a post from you in a while, and hoping that all was well…
    I thank you for your honesty in your post…. I have been traveling in a similar “boat as you”…(not pregnant though)…and I have watched your blog and have always thought of you as a very strong and successful woman…which you totally are!!!! but if you can crash, and rise above, then so can I….thank you for your ever so “encouraging” words…

    blessings to you and ALL of yours,
    Cynthia♥

    p.s. I really needed to hear (to be reminded) about Praising God, and the effects of forgetting to…thanks YOU♥

  32. says

    We are here for you! And sometimes venting is the very best medicine. Spring is coming, I too have a hard time with winter, and I’m much further south than you. I can do without the headaches and migraines that are always popping up. Hope each day gets better and better! :) donna

  33. says

    I love your honesty Angela! Thank you! I can really relate with what you and your family are dealing with. My husband and I both lost are jobs the same month in 2008. We were in the construction industry in California, and no employment on the horizon. We had to Short Sale our home, and while I packed, hubby left the boys and I, and went to Washington to find employment. Three months later, we were reunited as a family, after we relocated up to Washington. The journey was a difficult one for me. Moving away from all I ever knew. Away from my family, away from friends, losing our home. But I can honestly say Angela with all my heart, it was the best thing that ever happened to our family! It made us closer, stronger. It was very freeing to get out of “The Keeping Up with the Jones”, but you bet I kicked and screamed a bit at first, because change is so very hard for me. And I cried, and cried! Mourn the loss of your old neighborhood, allow yourself to grieve the old life, and embrace the new life like you have. Keep that positive spirit, and when you’re feeling blue, vent! Talk it out, share it, release it! As you found with this post, there are so many of us in or have been close to the same boat, and we can offer an ear and a kind word. And if things get real tough financially with two household to pay for, consider a Short Sale. There is no shame in doing what is best for you and yours.
    Lord, when doubts fill my mid and my heart is in turmoil, quiet me and give me renewed hope and peace. Psalms 94:19

  34. says

    Dear Angela,
    Your post encouraged me BIG TIME and made me outright laugh out loud at parts :) :) :) Everyones problems/stresses are different and just because they may be different than mine, does make them any less important ;) :) :) I LOVED your honesty here and it really was a blessing/encouragement to me today :) :) We could swap some financial stress stories, I’m sure ;) Extra, extra love and hugs to you and your sweet family. Love and hugs from the ocean shores of California, Heather :)

  35. says

    I will send some needed love and prayer offerings your way. So grateful to read other people that struggle and aren’t ashamed to admit that they do – and they STILL have faith in the Lord. Winter blues are awful. This year Illinois winter has been the worst. For some reason, I swear at least when there is snow and something “pretty” to look at, it somehow seems a bit brighter. Spring is right around the corner. I think it is inspiring that you maintain your focus on your family. God Bless You.

  36. says

    praying for you sweet friend. anytime you want to move to southern oregon, just let me know { our towns motto is “It’s The Climate!”} anyhow, i’m with ya on the pennypinchinhomeschoolingmamaandoneincome thing. God is good, he is faithful, sometimes we just have to repeat that over and over ;)

  37. says

    and i agree wtih the above commenter. wait til summer for schoolin’. it’s one of the ‘perks’ with homeschooling, blow it off right now, pick it back up when life settles a little. aiden’s only in what? 3rd grade? he could easily manage staying up to par with a simple 1/2 hr. a day. don’t sweat it! just RELAX {i know, i know, easier said than done}

  38. says

    A couple of years ago I memorized Lamentations 3:22-26. I memorized it just because I loved it, God works in mysterious ways because I cannot tell you the number of times I have said “the Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I have hope in Him”. Tis passage is my go-to and reminds me what I am and am not responsible for. Keep up the good work, your are tilling fertile soiling and those little souls need your guiding, your hubby needs your love. God bless you all~

  39. says

    How nice to read you again! Happy that you are well. Thank you for your “cri du coeur”. I would say what keeps me going is one word: Gratitude. Gratitude for being alive and able to do all that we can. Haut les coeurs, Angela!

  40. says

    Oh Sweetie I hear ya loud and clear.If we all waited for the perfect time to have a family most wouldn’t and times are hard for many and I do believe will get even harder.
    I am in my late 40’s and when I was young not many had any money we all had gardens, picked berries, raised chickens, fished and canned whatever they could get their hands on.We have had it so easy in the last 20 years we have all forgotten.
    We had two pairs of shoes and got a few school clothes and never any summer clothes you got by with what you had.
    I have older Girl’s now 20,22 and 13 and trust me things can get a whole lot worse.I have had to learn to be thankful for what is and as long as we all are healthy that’s all that matters.
    I live in Oregon and it gets grey and rains all winter.I too suffer from the seasonal disorder but have found that I need to take lots of extra vitamin D and Magnesium.If you need any please let me know I would gladly send you a sealed bottle honey.
    I also would be happy to send some extras if needed.Please just email me your address and I would be happy to send you a happy box :) I love what you are trying to do be trusting and keep your faith.I will be praying for your family.
    My email is whitewhispers2u@yahoo.com ~Blessings Kim

  41. says

    How nice to read you again! Happy that you are well. Thank you for your “cri du coeur”. I would say what keeps me going is one word: Gratitude. Gratitude for being alive and able to do all that we can. Haut les coeurs, Angela! Carine

  42. says

    I am so sorry you are having such a tough winter along with everything else you are working to overcome. My brother is facing much the same financial situation & there is really nothing that can be done. Glad you let us know and please use us to vent. I hope we are all your friends. You have a beautiful family and God is there, but you know that. It will get better, hugs!

  43. says

    ladies, dear ladies!

    this is my daughter, my first born … my best friend

    as many of you have attested she is strong … like someone you just want to be.
    Her head is down … she makes her plan and then works her plan. I see her in action … school teacher, home chef, gardener, farm animal superintendent , Christ follower, now leading her children to Him …
    best friend of strong, successful women … of which I include her …

    She is all four of her children rolled into one!

    Every time I’m included in their days, I can see more and more of her in them.

    Wife, mother, daughter and granddaughter extra ordinarie …

    She is what you see and she is what you get …
    When she happens not to answer her phone, I get all bent out of shape, cuz I want to talk to her and NOW …

    her Joel is a man I would’ve and almost did hand pick for her to marry (heehee) … they are quite the team, which is why they come out shining

    thank you for these hearfelt comments and your prayers for her family.

    It is truly a privilege to go to the Father, isn’t it … for people we love ….

    what a day that will be when we all meet up together in a perfect world !!!

    I love you Angela,
    momma

  44. says

    Thinking of you, friend. You have been through a lot recently, and winter always seems to make everything worse – even in So Cal! From one who has known great trials, continue to draw near to the Lord and don’t try to do things on your own strength. ((hugs))

  45. says

    For some reason you have just stayed on my mind. It hit me, well shoot, I will just pray very earnestly for you. There is nothing more powerful than our God and he likes us to come to him. He wants to bless us and I haven’t prayed for you. So I will start. God tells us to lift up the weary so I start now. God Bless You.

  46. says

    Dear Angela…..you are in my thoughts and I will pray for breakthrough for you.

    As a newly wed during our second month of marriage, I got pregnant while honey mooning in our college apartment. We didn’t go on a honeymoon and I joke that I was busy mooning the honey.

    So much of what has happened over the years are things that bring me joy these days. Certainly stuff to talk about. All of this that you are going through is tough, but it will contribute a ministry that you will be able to minister to others that are going through things. You will be victorious because you have God in your life.

    God bless you and may you be comforted by the goodness of God, the prayers of the saints and answered prayer.

    Precious Child of God, Beloved Saint and Sister in Christ,

    Thank you for sharing,
    d

  47. says

    Parisienne Farmgirl, I just read your moms letter,well, what can I say. That is the stuff chic movies are made of, so sweet and more wonderful than anyone could ever ask for. You are so blessed for sure with the cutest children,loving husband, and a mom that adores you. Not to mention tons of blog readers that can’t wait to read your next column. Now, we will just watch God meet your financial need.

  48. says

    Angela, dear Angela, look at how many people care! Add another to the list who is praying for you and as you know, He will see you through this. If you have a minute, I would hope you could be encouraged by my latest post:

    Soul Twisters…and the Cherubs Without Wings

    Blessings! Susan

  49. says

    Hard, hard times. My grown daughter just found a part time job just a month ago after being unemployed for the better part of four years. One son was also unemployed for three years. We helped them both financially for those years and our savings is gone. We have just started putting money into savings again. I hope they both will be financially stable now. We were blessed to be able to help. Not everyone has family that can help. Angela, you and your family will be in my prayers. I have seen first hand what this economy is doing to families. Prayers for your pregnancy to go smoothly and that your children are healthy and happy and you and your husband see light through the dark times. Bless you all.

  50. says

    Angela, so good to see a blog from you today. I know when times are hard you always have your faith and sometimes you want to know that things will be better… right now. God will see you through all of this. You are not alone and many prayers will be coming your today. vera from Texas.

  51. says

    You have so much to be thankful for. Your precious children, your wonderful husband. You are truly blessed. It is always hard to thank God for adversities, but we are commanded to do just that – like Jonah did.
    Isn’t blogging great. A wonderful way to express those feelings that are too hard to speak of.
    I will continue to pray for you and your family, especially for some relief from your gloom.
    You are such an amazing girl, with all you do. I admire you so much. Don’t give up – Spring is just around the corner.❤

  52. says

    Glad to know that you’re okay. Thank you for this post! I’m not a housewife, and I didn’t get to be a mommy, so I know our struggles, financial and otherwise, are quite different, but I am so glad to see someone who is willing to admit that life is often extremely difficult and overwhelming. Sometimes I feel so alone in my financial difficulties and lack of a full time job (and a part time retail job for which I am grossly overqualified)that I forget that others are experiencing the same stress, the same disappointments. The situations may be different, but the overwhelming stress is the same for all of us. So, thank you for making me feel less alone in these hard times.
    Winter won’t last forever. Spring is coming soon. (Unfortunately, for me, I have the opposite problem you have. Here in central CA, triple digit heat – with no breezes – begins as early as April & doesn’t end until the end of October. You’re sad in the winter; I’m sad in the summer)

  53. says

    Keep praising Him!
    You are amazing! I don’t know you but your faith, courage, strength, hope and all the other incredible things you are come through loud and clear on this blog…
    We have been through stuff ourselves, 2 children with kidney disease, also hearing impaired, my own health issues, financial ruin, lots of other stuff too.
    The only way I got through it was by clinging to Jesus for dear life.
    Fast forward some years… We have remained open to life and left our fertility in God’s hands. 4 children, ages, 21, 20, 8, and 2. Hubby is retired from one job and working a job he loves. Older kids with health issues are faithful, healthy, happy and successful. Younger kids bring us joy beyond measure. And just to put a big ol pile of icing on the cake. We just opened a little shop. My dream…
    So my friend,
    Cling to Him and His promises. You have many gifts that He will surely continue to use.
    Praise Him…

    Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us,
    Ephesians 3:20

  54. says

    Looking over all these comments should really buoy your spirits! Everyone has said enough and all of it true. I can only say that it WILL pass. I have turned the corner after 4 very difficult years after we took in five kids. It’s been truly horrible at times and I OFTEN felt SO alone….despite my family. HE is in control and it WILL pass.

  55. says

    It breaks my heart to hear how hard things have been for you lately. You are one of the most amazing people I know. Life can be so very hard, yet so wonderful at the same time. God will always bring us through if we trust in Him, and I know you do. I agree, this winter has been horrible and I have been very down myself lately. I just can’t seem to snap out of it and get my act together. It is so depressing. I love you so much and you and Joel and your beautiful kids are in my prayers. You are never alone. Hang in there and keep looking up! You will get through this and move into a better season in your lives. Prayers for Peace, Blessings and Prosperity for you! Love you!!

    Faith

  56. says

    Life is hard and when you share your struggles with others it help them to confirm they are not alone in their troubles.
    There is not one person that does not have doubts, fears, and just sick of keeping on. But, when you share your burden, yours is lifted and so is the readers.
    This will pass and in the meantime, cry, scream, roll on the floor, and then get up, and try to make it to the next day. One of these mornings you won’t do any of that!! I think when the snow melts we will all feel better!!!
    ((((Angela)))))

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