A Collective Sigh

Among everything else… to add yesterday to the mix was just a bit much.

I went to the doctor (referred by my midwife) and for a little fun for us to start off, he wanted to hear the heartbeat of our sweet little baby.  

He tried.  And tried.  And tried.

Oh my goodness, that is a horrible feeling.  
All I could think about was the countless women who have gone before me and have strained their ear desperately for that little rapid gallop.
All I could thing of was my dear friend who just a couple months ago strained her ear to no avail…

 It’s hard not to remember that first baby we lost.   It’s hard not to think of the odds… two out of FIVE.   We women should talk about this more… instead we keep our pregnancies private until the safe “12 week mark” — but then when you loose one before that point you have those sad conversations“We were going to… but now we aren‘t.”… I remember that.   I know everyone chooses their announcement time for their own reasons.   I can never wait much past 7 weeks.  I still think that the “miscarried Momma” should be treated with so much love and tenderness… never expected to be “over it” in just a couple weeks.
 

Instead of continuing with the reason we were there the doctor sent us to lunch ’til the ultrasound tech could arrive.  My mom had come to be with us/help with the kids and it’s a good thing because Joel had to leave for work.  

Sickening.  To kiss hubby goodbye knowing you might have to share the saddest of news with him over the phone in just a couple hours.

I was on autopilot.  Really, I was ready for the news.  Between the low progesterone numbers (which have gone up from 14 to 20.5… but still) and with how good I have been feeling lately.  This by far has been the easiest pregnancy.   Things have really calmed down – I don’t feel great, but I don’t feel like I am dying either!  And trust me — I equate feeling like total sh– with a healthy pregnancy.  That’s just how it goes for me.  Everytime I feel good I think, “Are you OK down there little one???”
Mom took us out for lunch to my favorite little Mexican hole in the wall.  

About two hours later I was being welcomed into the little room (alone) by the kindest of techs.  Within SECONDS she had me on that table and had found that little crazy gallop I was so desperate to hear.  

I reached over and grabbed her hand and cried.  “Thank you Jesus.  Thank you Jesus.”  I said.

She said, “I am so glad to hear you say that, I read your paperwork before you came in and I said a prayer for you.”

Here’s our little one.
Oh-my-goodness.

It’s amazing every time.

Comments

  1. says

    so, so happy for you! i was prayign just reading that! i read an amazing post yesterday on a blog called ‘5 in tow’ that i think you would really enjoy. go read it!

  2. says

    Oh I felt that all with you, thank you for sharing* WE are so blessed to be able to have children easily. I had five children and this one will be your number 5. I hope that your lives will be wonderful being all together.,.I love reading your blog, you seem so in control and positive and we are loving all your moments as they happen.. this blogland is wonderful to get the sharing amongst all of us, its magical!! All my five are grown up now, some with children of their own.. but the thrill of meeting that new born person has stayed with me forever and I know you will look back on these days and remember so much and how love was all around you and your children and husband. I will follow how you get along, but thank you for sharing this part,,, and my goodness I really felt for you as you heard that little heartbeat.. Hugs from across the pond. janzi xx

  3. says

    I am so thankful that your baby is growing inside of you well and strong.

    I remember the day eleven years ago when we heard no heart beat.

    The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away…blessed be the Name of the Lord.

    I have a baby in heaven waiting for his mommy and I praise the Lord for that!

    May God continue to bless you and your precious family.

    Amy Kinser

  4. says

    Oh so sweet! I remember my middle one always hid during heartbeat attempts. I’d always get that sick feeling. Then they’d follow up with an ultrasound until my husband finally said after the third or fourth one, “ok, let’s stop microwaving the kid now!” :) Feel good, my friend!

  5. says

    Angela – I am so happy for you, I really hope the pregnancy continues. My 3rd baby was in God’s plan (prayed for, but so totally unexpected just the same), and it was my easiest pregnancy, and labour. May God keep you, the rest of this journey.

  6. says

    oh i read this just feeling so so glad for you that it was such a good outcome. I appreciate your heart for sharing with women’s issues and experiences, i think it’s important to have somewhere to go to talk to about whatever we are going through! I would love to someday have 5 like yours (haven’t even started yet! hopefully soon!!)

  7. says

    So happy for you! I know that feeling so very well. After two miscarriages (after my 1st child)we too had an ultrasound to see the heartbeat and I saw a bright star as the heartbeat. Afterwards I told my husband that it was awesome that the ultrasound shows a star for a heartbeat, and he said there was no star, just a blinking dot. I saw a beautiful blinking star.

  8. says

    Oh, Angela! This brought tears to my eyes. I was reading so slow…hoping to hear good news. I am so thankful that you got to hear that wonderful sound. Nothing like the galloping, rhythmic beating of a precious heart, tucked away in the womb. Praise God for such miracles and blessing.

  9. says

    Oh Thank You Jesus! I was holding my breath while I read this post!!!! I’m glad your little bambino (or bambina??) is doing okay so far….

    Congratulations on your newest little person (where have I been?!?)

  10. says

    Oh I am so happy to read this…I was so scared for you and your little one! So so happy now!

    I will be delivering my second baby
    in 2 or 3 weeeks (there will be exactly 24 months between baby n. 1 and baby n. 2).

    Will be thinking of you and baby n. 5!
    Congratulations Angela!

    Fra

  11. says

    OH! I’m so happy for you! Thank the Lord! I can’t imagine how hard those waiting hours must have been for you. Praying for a healthy pregnancy, delivery and little one. :-)

  12. says

    First of all, I am so thankful to hear that your precious baby is doing well.

    Secondly, I am floored that you had a nurse that said she had prayed for you. What a perfect example on how we can show love to people we barely know. Amazing.

    Mandy

  13. says

    Yep I teared up reading that… we had the same problem at 11 weeks couldnt hear a thing because I have some scar tissue on my belly and we were terrified but seeing the baby is such a miracle… Im so happy that you had great news that day… I hope this pregnancy is a breeze for you!

  14. says

    Thank you Jesus for using you to share this beautiful post with all of us!

    I still remember the day I lost a baby for the first time.
    I still remember friends telling me to just get over it.
    I still remember how they commented oh “at least you were only 8 weeks!)

    Now I am Blessed to have 6 kids.
    But I will never forget how I jumped with Joy when I hear the galloping! I have even recorded it at times.

    Congrats Angela to you!
    Still very sorry that I don’t get to visit your blog that often anymore.
    My kiddo’s need me!

    Much Love in Him,

    Sandy

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>